Jamal Charles releases statement after being tortured
You have to hand it to our coaches. They know how to break a player. After questioning Jamal Charles both publicly and privately, they’ve now gotten him to take the majority of the blame for our inability to design a running game that suits him. Bravo.
‘The holes have always been there, Jamal!’
Once Charles had been beaten down, delivery of the message became very important. It couldn’t be trusted with just anyone. Kirk Bohls? Oh hell no. Chip Brown? Dude outgrew Koolaid. So they passed it off to the always reliable Suzanne Halliburton of the Statesman.
‘Let Bill proof it before it goes to press.’
The article recycles all the previous complaints about Charles. Always looking for the big play. Doesn’t hit the hole hard. Goes east-west too much.
Still, coaches, as they’ve been doing all season, privately kept telling him to quit approaching each carry as a big-play-or-bust opportunity.
Charles listened, but the message didn’t take until a friend chastised him for “hitting the holes too soft.”
“I was trying to bounce outside and run east-west too much,” Charles said this week. “Now, I’m running hard to the hole, the line is blocking great and we’re making big plays.”
And after he stopped trying so hard, the big plays started flowing.
He conveniently stopped trying so hard at the exact moment that we put the zone read in against Nebraska. Truly amazing.
And running east-west or looking for the big play is not always a bad thing. You want your runner to be instinctive Look no further than his 86 yard td run against Nebraska. Nebraska blitzed, and Charles ran around it instead of just taking a loss. No other back on our roster could have done that.
Charles is fine. You just need to put him in position to make plays, and he’ll make them.
November 8, 2007 at 8:56 am
Charles is also responsible for defensive personnel decisions.
November 8, 2007 at 8:58 am
Yeah, he said those things, but he was simultaneously blinking “Help me” in Morse code. Halliburton didn’t pick up on it.
November 8, 2007 at 9:00 am
“…a slow Port Arthur drawl”
After hearing a couple of Charles interviews, I wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. It’s all so clear now.
November 8, 2007 at 9:09 am
Jamaal was the mastermind of the VIP list.
November 8, 2007 at 9:10 am
Charles has been coaching our defense.
November 8, 2007 at 9:13 am
I can’t bring myself to blame one man, even Jamaal, for the steaming pile of shit that is our team.
November 8, 2007 at 10:16 am
Morse code is just one of many, many things that Halliburton is incapable of comprehending.
Funny line, Woody. Thanks for the laugh.
November 8, 2007 at 10:18 am
He doesn’t know what to say in those interviews. He just grasps for cliches and phrases that he thinks will sound good to the reporters. He did have one hilarious quote in the clip on MBTF. He said something like “You could see in the fowth kwatah them guys looking at the sidelines like they was wishin they could come out.”
November 8, 2007 at 11:02 am
I just happen to have two dozen “Jamaal Charles Loves Kenny Chesney” shirts I can let you have for $23 dollars. Assorted colors and sizes.
Let me tell you, Mr. Douglas, nothing says “Merry Christmas” to the little woman like one of these babies.
November 8, 2007 at 11:02 am
The best word I have ever heard invented was “kowea” by Fred Beasley when he was at San Francisco. I was watching as they interviewed him about being an integral part of the 49ers passing game despite playing the fullback position. Mr. Beasley’s response, “Yeah, but it’s impotent fo me to block as well kowea running team, too.” I expect much of the same greatness from Mr. Charles some day.
November 8, 2007 at 11:26 am
I guess when you hate Mack Brown and Greg Davis so much that you create a whole website just to complain about him it’s inconvenient to hear the truth.
Our problems lay at the feet of the players when they don’t execute.
Jamall just admitted that he hasnt executed and you still insist on blaming the coaches.
I guess the next spin is coach Davis made him lie. There is no end to the hater’s agenda of conspiracy theories.
November 8, 2007 at 11:39 am
I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to sign up for your newsletter.
November 8, 2007 at 11:41 am
We created this website to hate Mack Brown?
Did some of you guys meet without me? I thought it was to amuse ourselves and laugh at people like echeese?
And where is this weeks hater’s agenda? Did someone not fax it?
November 8, 2007 at 11:59 am
I thought it was to amuse ourselves and laugh at people like echeese?
I am laughing at you and the other waterboys who can’t admit that Mack has had more 10-win seasons than any coach.
You will keep spinning and complaining and I will keep laughing and enjoying 10-win seasons.
It must be sad to be you.
November 8, 2007 at 12:08 pm
When you get pissed, I bet you put your hand on your hip like Mrs. Douglas.
November 8, 2007 at 12:40 pm
My fax machine has been broken since 2001. That would certainly explain why I am clueless on so many things, including the greatness of Greg Davis.
It would also explain why I haven’t gotten anything from Jerry Scarbrough in 6 years. Wonder what I’ve missed?
Nebraska. John Chiles. One play. Greg Davis finally figured out what most observers knew the Tuesday before. Talk about rewriting history.
November 8, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Is this the real echeese or the fake one? I’m confused.
November 8, 2007 at 1:49 pm
The real echeese was created from one of Bill Little’s liver spots. He’s at least 75% sunshine.
November 8, 2007 at 1:54 pm
75% is far to low..
On a side note, are Sii (HF) and DizzG (OB) the same guy?
November 8, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Texas is 8-2 and still controls its own destiny to be Big 12 champions.
At worse Texas will finish the season 11-2 and in the Top 5 in the polls.
And the chicken littles will still be calling for Mack’s head.
November 8, 2007 at 2:15 pm
How exactly do we control our own destiny to be Big 12 champs? Pretty sure the list of schools in control of their destiny for the Big 12 title at this point are OU, Kansas, and Missouri. Not Texas. That’s what happens when you lose to OU, plus another loss.
Top 5? That must be in the eCheese Loves Greg Davis and Fun Dip Poll.
November 8, 2007 at 2:25 pm
“How exactly do we control our own destiny to be Big 12 champs?”
If we win out we will make the Big 12 championship game if OU loses it’s remaining games.
That’s what it means to control your own destiny.
November 8, 2007 at 2:34 pm
“If we win out we will make the Big 12 championship game if OU loses it’s remaining games.
That’s what it means to control your own destiny.”
Shit, under that line of thinking, I guess Tech controls their own destiny. Woohoo! We’re right back in the thick of this thing.
November 8, 2007 at 2:37 pm
“if OU loses it’s remaining games.”
Wow. So the alternate definition of controlling our own destiny is “if all the other teams lose out and we get lucky.” Got it.
November 8, 2007 at 2:58 pm
In what way, exactly, are we in “control” of the outcomes of OU’s remaining games?
November 8, 2007 at 3:00 pm
C’mon guys.
November 8, 2007 at 3:23 pm
In what way, exactly, are we in “control” of the outcomes of OU’s remaining games?
I never said we control OU’s destiny. We control our own destiny.
If we win and OU loses, we are in the Big 12 championship game.
November 8, 2007 at 3:32 pm
this can’t be real.
November 8, 2007 at 3:53 pm
So you think OU controls our destiny? They don’t play our games for us.
Only we decide if we win or lose.
November 8, 2007 at 3:53 pm
I demand the impostor identify himself.
November 8, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Alamo is my density.
November 8, 2007 at 4:27 pm
“If we win out we will make the Big 12 championship game if OU loses it’s remaining games.
That’s what it means to control your own destiny.”
Uh, no. You control your own destiny when, “if” you win your remaining games your team is able to get into a championship game, playoff game, etc… By having to rely on another team losing, you are not in fact controlling your own destiny, someone else is.
November 8, 2007 at 4:47 pm
What echeese is saying, if anyone cares to stop and hear him, is that OU controls its destiny. What we don’t do is control their destiny at all.
How can anyone worry about factors outside of our control? Don’t you guys all think we have to win our games to control our destiny? We’ve been here before. Act like it!
November 8, 2007 at 5:26 pm
“Only we decide if we win or lose”
I really, really hope we decide to WIN this week! Deciding to lose would be the completely wrong decision!
Bravo, ‘echeese.’ Bravo.
November 8, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I want to shoot echeese in the face with a fuck lion.
November 8, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Hook, line, sinker, rod, reel, fisherman, and most of the boat.
November 8, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Impressive results on very stinky bait. Bravo.
November 8, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Confusion. Scipio, are you echeese? I ask because friends of mine who wrote for The Daily Texan sometimes sent themselves asinine questions via Firing Line. One of my friends was me. So fun.
November 8, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Why can’t you spell? Killebrew and Jamaal, dumbass.
November 8, 2007 at 10:00 pm
D’jmahl.
November 8, 2007 at 10:10 pm
“How exactly do we control our own destiny to be Big 12 champs?”
If we win out we will make the Big 12 championship game if OU loses it’s remaining games.
That’s what it means to control your own destiny.”
Oh God, the tears. I am laughing so hard. This thread has two of the funnier things I’ve read in months. Thank you. Thank you.
November 9, 2007 at 6:48 am
That is not me that is the fake echeese making fun of me. I am dumb but not that dumb
November 9, 2007 at 7:04 am
Dizz G is Sii . . . Sii is DizzG
I am fairly certain that Texas Taps is echeese
November 9, 2007 at 7:15 am
YOu fuckers need to use your real names.
November 9, 2007 at 7:35 am
This is my realy name
November 9, 2007 at 7:43 am
I’m thoroughly confused. I thought someone took credit for the fake echeese impression already. Is there now a double-fake echeese?
November 9, 2007 at 8:44 am
I am destiny and i want my purple drank.
November 9, 2007 at 8:50 am
Okay, we can’t have two Coco’s.
November 9, 2007 at 9:52 am
Okay, I feel better. I will now attempt to cover up the hook marks from my upper lip. Note to self - how could fall for that, no one is that stupid. Too much hornfans I guess.
November 9, 2007 at 10:17 am
i haven’t smoked weed since college but i’m going to echeese’s dojo to score some
November 9, 2007 at 10:37 am
I smoked weed earlier today. Can you imagine how hard I am laughing?
November 9, 2007 at 12:08 pm
YouF****r - nice reply above. Made me laugh.
Back to the topic of creative vocabulary (Gooba, DedFischer)….
Elvin Bethea having announced his retirement from the Oilers after 13(?) years earlier in the season later described the team as always having pretty good “comraderemship.”
Beautiful.
I now add “-shipmentariansimistical” to any word when I want to dial my persuasiveness to 11.
November 9, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Huh. This disputes the notion that we haven’t been running well because the opposing D was lining up in the wrong place. Interesting.
November 9, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Before I was running east and west. Then I started runnin’ downhill more. Downhill is south or north. It all depends.
November 10, 2007 at 5:49 am
Can I get all you guys’ email addresses? I have some money I’m trying to get out of Nigeria, and I think you could help.
November 12, 2007 at 7:50 am
MY FATHER HAS DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND LEFT ME $3,000,000,000 BLAH BLAH BLAN