Liveblogging Texas vs Iowa State

How exciting!

Current weather forecast for Ames says 53 degrees and raining.

Current football forecast for Iowa State says 85 players and sucking.

Corn fed chicks. Too bad you can’t make meth out of corn.

Random shot of some swans walking down a sidewalk. The Ames Board of Tourism wants you to believe it’s just like Paris.

Iowa State receives.

Bret Meyer was raised by white parents. You’ll understand when you watch him try to make plays off schedule.

Scott Derry might have a 3.8, but he failed geometry.

Dave Lapham just described Iowa State as a loose woman. They have to make Texas ‘respect them.’

Chizik is dressed like Robert Duvall in ‘The Great Santini.’ He’s going to throw the football at Todd Blythe and ask him if he’s going to ’squirt a few.’

Long pass to Shipley, and it’s 7-0. I think Chizik had 11 men in the box on that play. Can we just call broken plays?

Fox decides not to show the kickoff.

Killibrew runs himself out of the play. At least I think he did. I’m not a coach, and football is hard.

Bobino runs straight into the center’s arms screaming ‘block me!’

We send Derry and Bobino on a delayed blitz. Iowa State does not delay in completing the pass.

Our linebackers are bad. Chizik knows this better than anyone.

How the fuck is that interference with triple coverage? Oh, Erick Jackson is still looking for the ball.

Iowa State is coaching their running backs to take the cut back. Bobino just blitzes himself out of every other play.

Missed the field goal. Who is the fat guy standing behind Chizik? Does he have his own Mad Dog?

Do I dare take a peek at Iowa-Illinois or Georgia Tech-Miami? Those are my choices. Fuck you, Adam Smith.

Nebraska needs to fire Mackovic.

Dave Lapham has no inner monologue.

We’ve yet to run it.

Lots of empty set.

McCoy looks good. Still has happy feet though.

Empty set on 1st and goal. Secondary gets kind of crowded down there, Greg.

McCoy makes things happen when the play breaks down, and he throws well rolling out.

Two broken plays, two touchdowns.

Backup linebackers are in.

Jim Knox dresses like an NBC page.

We need to change our cleats.

Zone blitz on 3rd and 10.

Nice play by Foster on the fade. When you have a 6′5″ receiver, you run the fade.

Option to the short side of the field. Greg Davis has hacked into their communications!

Commercials from eHarmony and the AARP. That’s one helluva target audience.

Chiles in. QB draw goes nowhere.

Get the ball to McGee with his shoulders square.

That time out is on Chiles.

Ogbonnaya runs stiff. Needs to get his knees up.

Dave Lapham is still explaining a penalty that happened two plays ago. Must be for the loveless senior citizens watching.

Killibrew with the personal foul. Senior leadership. If a customer says they don’t like your cooking, you spit in their food. You dont’ grab them by the facemask.

Remember when McWilliams substituted the entire 2nd team offensive line against Colorado in 1990?

Jim Knox just called Muckelroy everything but his own name. I think he finally called him ‘McElmore.’

Iowa State cheerleaders just did a dance move I haven’t seen since ‘House Party.’ Maybe it was just released on DVD in Ames.

Three nice runs by Charles. And by ‘nice’ I mean he didn’t fumble.

Killibrew makes a tackle and talks shit. ‘Cordon Bleu goes the dynamite!’

Derek Lokey is a great defensive tackle. That being said, watching him run in space makes Baby Jesus cry.

Killibrew gets his second personal foul. Both of them on special teams. We take over and thus spare Brown the indignity of having to take him off the field.

Billy Pittman is playing like a man (who had his car) repossessed.

Is Strother Martin the play by play announcer at Iowa St?

Jim Knox is interviewing Mack Brown. I could literally watch that for hours.

Nebraska is down 38-0 at the half to Oklahoma State. This is the worst Nebraska defense I’ve seen since The People vs. Lawrence Phillips.

Evander Holyfield is either doing commercials for Sylvan Learning Center or fighting again. Hard to tell after watching that promo.

Chizik is confused. How do you stop the run against a team that doesn’t run the ball?

Iowa State corners play 7 yards off on 3rd and 4. Which came first? The Chizik or the Akina?

Another broken play, another touchdown.

Nice tackle by Kindle.

Foster with the int for a touchdown. Getting the all important turnover when we were clinging to a 35-3 lead.

Norton just made a tackle on the sideline on a toss sweep. At least I think he did. It will require film breakdown by the coaches to make sure.

Meyer is throwing everything high. Not stepping into this throws.

Nice shot of Iowa St cheerleader who looks like Paul Bettany.

No commercial break in between possessions. The advertisers have stopped caring.

Scott Derry looks like a white Harvey Williams in pads.

I hope those guys weren’t advertising majors.

Kindle tackles with authority. Next play Deon Beasley makes a diving interception. Our future is bright on defense.

Wow. McCoy scrambles for a 44 yard touchdown. Broken play, touchdown.

Mercifully put Chiles in.

This is going to be a long 4th quarter.

This wet field is slowing down Chiles’ cuts.

Enough of this. I’m going to switch over to Tech and A&M.