What is the sound of one hand slapping?
The Daily Texan sports blog has reported that Texas quarterback John Chiles is a suspect in an assault-by-conduct (slapping a woman) that the Austin Police Department is currently investigating. And by ‘currently investigating’ they mean the detective working the case probably won’t even look at it until sometime next week.
The police report said the incident happened on MLK at 2:45am last Friday, but it didn’t say exactly where. I’m guessing West MLK near the campus. Probably at the Taco Cabana. Because the chances of you getting slapped increase exponentially if you’re at a Taco Cabana at 2:45am. Just sayin’.
The Austin Sports Report has many more details of what happened.
There are two sides to every story, and we’ve heard some of the info on both sides. We’re not going to report what we’ve heard lest you begin to expect us to start doing actual reporting. Instead we’ll stick to the type of sensationalism that has helped us so much in the past.
And to prove it here’s a pic of our interpretation of what happened:
April 10, 2008 at 5:51 pm
meh. Sometimes you just gotta slap a ho.
April 10, 2008 at 7:32 pm
“Bitch, I said get me a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries”
April 11, 2008 at 7:11 am
I heard that he tried to slap her twice, but the first one landed at her feet and the second soared way over her head. Then he just said fuck it and started running.
April 11, 2008 at 7:20 am
Greg Davis told him to only slap girls within 5 yards.
April 11, 2008 at 7:36 am
Somebody who was there told me there’s a “hitch” in his slap.
But Pat White couldn’t slap a ho either before the got to WV.
April 16, 2008 at 12:55 pm
“I heard that he tried to slap her twice, but the first one landed at her feet and the second soared way over her head. Then he just said fuck it and started running.”
LMAO.