Hard Knocks: The Dallas Cowboys
What can I say? I’m a Cowboys fan.
Success.
The opening montage shows Jerry Jones. Get used to it. You’re going to be seeing a lot of him. He looks like Joan Rivers.
Former A&M TE Martellus Bennett is one of the featured rookies. Oh, this should be great.
Tony Romo visits a military base. I hope it’s an Air Force base. They know what it is to bomb.
Terry Glenn is injured and unceremoniously waived. Jerry Jones actually makes the call to Glenn’s agent. He definitely fancies himself a football man. No wonder Jimmy Johnson had to get out of there. He sits in on every coach’s meeting. His son Stephen is VP of personnel. There’s another football guy. Scott Pioli is shaking in his boots. I’ve never understood why so many wealthy self-made men countenance such worthless hangers-on kids. “Daddy, make me vice-president of something!”
Stephen Jones has the glad-handing body language and need to back slap that a guy in his position shouldn’t project.
It’s Pac Man! I mean Mr. Adam Jones. He impresses everyone by fielding six punted balls without putting any of them down. When he throws them down and someone bends down to pick them up, he punches them. You don’t pick up the balls til Pac Man say so.
Marion Barber destroys a LB in pass protection drills. Just an obliteration. Jesus, he’s strong and aggressive. I love Marion the Barbarian.
Felix Jones looks small and completely out of shape. Maybe he’s a doo-doo body guy like Marshall Faulk that can just ball. We’ll see.
The crowds love TO. He looks great. He’ll dominate until he pulls his hamstring. He’s owning Pac Man head-to-head.
Now TO is selling t-shirts to his teammates out of a cardboard box.
The rookies have to sing into a banana phallus to the vets. A Wisconsin white bread does a nice job with a Temptations groove.
The DBs pull down assistant Dave Campo’s pants. How far you’ve fallen, Dave.
Wade Philips talks about his no-hitting policy in practice. Roy Williams expresses his disagreement and lobbies for a no-coverage policy.
I can appreciate the merits of Wade’s philosophy for a veteran team, but I wonder if you lose your edge when you combine that with his laid back ways. Bill Walsh pioneered the soft practice idea, but he paired it with a maniacal attention to detail. You stayed healthy and didn’t lose intensity in the process.
Martellus Bennett is getting ridden hard by his TE coach John Garrett, who looks like professor of literature at Amherst. Now he is getting ridden hard in his rookie review. Dude may be in trouble if he doesn’t mature.
An uneventful Hard Knocks. This season could suck simply because Jerry demands the camera and stage manages everything. The Ravens Hard Knocks was awesome because they were so open and uninhibited.
I can’t wait for a rookie to find an eight ball hidden in the recesses of Michael Irvin’s locker.
August 6, 2008 at 10:41 pm
As a Cowboy fan, I have actually come to respect Stephen Jones b/c he understands the salary cap and I am quite sure I would have trouble deciphering it. Jerry Jones is good at everything he does except for evaluating football talent. When the Parcell’s drafted talent gets old or traded, we will enter another period of poor Cowboys football teams. Good thing we are in the prime right now!
August 7, 2008 at 4:16 am
Remember that this show is DRAMA.
From what I’ve read, ‘Tellus is doing fine. They rake him over the coals becasue they expect a lot from him as a high draft choice.
I am saddened to say he came from a system that only honed his blocking skills, not pass catching or route running skills.
How much work does it take for a fast 6′-6″ guy to get open over the middle in college? Not much. But in the NFL, there are 270 # linebackers there waiting to rip out your pancreas and stuff it down your throat.
August 7, 2008 at 4:53 am
I think you’re a little off base about Stephen Jones also. From everything I have read, he does his job well. Barber did put one hell of a hit on that linebacker. He’s a ball of hate.
August 7, 2008 at 5:02 am
An old time radio announcer once described Doak Walker running as being like “a ball of knives rolling down the field”.
Barber is a ball of wolverines.
August 7, 2008 at 8:15 am
Nate Newton said that was the hardest hit he had ever seen a RB dish out.
August 7, 2008 at 8:17 am
And he’s seen a lot of dudes take hits.
August 7, 2008 at 8:21 am
Nate provided some great shit from which to take hits.
August 7, 2008 at 8:22 am
Stephen Jones would not have the job were it not for his Dad. As for being a salary cap wizard, the fact that he can perform basic mathematics at a level comparable to the average Texas State finance graduate does not impress. Shit is not that hard.
August 7, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Stephen Jones was drinking a Miller Lite while on a conference call ahahaha!!
August 7, 2008 at 12:53 pm
“Bill Walsh pioneered the soft practice idea, but he paired it with a maniacal attention to detail.”
Can’t speak to the latter, but Bum Phillips definitely came first with the former. He used to say, “The Oilers aren’t on our schedule.” (Well, he probably said “ain’t,” but you get the idea.)
August 7, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Bob:
I don’t recall the Oilers going 4 days of shorts and shells. Didn’t they always have at least one hittin’ day?
Plus, it just gives me more credibility with the uninformed when I cite Bill Walsh over Bum. The fact that Bum was actually pretty damn sharp is obscured in his popular image.
August 14, 2008 at 5:25 am
Will the camera’s follow them to the “White House,” too?