In honor of the smooth butt f'ng that is sure to come the Houston Rockets' way in game 2, courtesy of the David Stern mafia I offer you the top eight reasons to despise the NBA. I'll follow up with the top 8 ways to make the NBA better, coming to a carnival blog near you.
8. The 24 second shot clock. Yes, I know it's only 11 seconds shorter than that of our precious college game, but a ton can happen in 11 seconds. Democratic shit, like, you know, passing. I'm sick of two man games, triangle offenses, and anything that takes the emphasis off of team ball. Can you imagine the the 1984 Celtics running the flex? Holy hell. Instead, we have to rely on the Lithuanian national team to show us team offense running at peak efficiency.
7. Continuation. I can't stand it mainly because it's starting to contaminate the college game. A foul is either on the floor or it's during the act of shooting. There is no middle ground. Call me an idealogue on the subject if you will. Some quick questions though. Have you ever seen a travel called on a continuation drive after a whistle? Have you ever seen a second foul called on continuation after the initial foul, and if not why not? Ever seen a motorcycle pulled over speeding? This kind of crap pisses me off. The two things I hate most in the world are racism and continuation.
6. Traveling. Look, I wasn't a big fan of the Tom Penders' power jump stop, because, uh, it was a travel. Ditto for the lack of traveling calls prevalent in the NBA. From the Dream Shake to the Larry Bird dribble-less step back jumper, it's a travel. Kevin McHale and his 3 pivot feet? No bien.
5. Draft Policy. I'd like to thank the no talent ass-clown of a League for costing me the opportunity to see a starting Longhorn 5 of Kevin Durant, DJ Augustine, Lamarcus Aldridge, Daniel Gibson, and Damion James. Appreciate that fellas.
4. Vindictive Refs. See Joey Crawford vs. Tim Duncan. These asshats should take a page from NCAA tourney officials who swallow their whistles for venting players and coaches come Big Dance time. It's called integrity.
3. Crooked Officials. Speaking of integrity, look no further than the Tim Donaghy NBA game fixing scandal. And if you think this was an isolated incident you probably think JD Quinn was given preferential pay for play over Adrian Peterson. The easiest outcome to fix in all of professional sports is an NBA over. All it takes is one official and 10 sixty plus percent foul shooters.
2. Game 6 between the Kings and Lakers during the 2002 playoffs. A virtuoso performance by the David Stern mafia. The Lakers shot 27 fourth quarter free throws to edge the Kings and force a game 7 back in LA. Coincidentally, Rick Adelman was the coach of the Kings and he had this to say about the highway robbery.
"It's a shame, a real shame. ... Our big guys get 20 fouls, and Shaq gets four. You tell me. Obviously, they got the game called the way they wanted to get it called. We tried to play through it ... but obviously, it was a huge change tonight over the last few games.''
1. It's not College Basketball. I mean, who can argue the other side here?