Mack Brown has been invited to New York to join the NFL Network in covering the 2010 NFL Draft.
It gives the CEO of Texas football hours of facetime to charm the pants off the nation with his folksy knowledge, wit, and candor. He might even talk about some NFL prospects. Mack will also leave the event having memorized the first name of every family member of every player that got drafted, then have Sally send a letter of regret to every free agent that didn't.
He's already got a few first names down. Naturally, he's friends with Mike and Charles already:
"I'm excited about the opportunity to be a part of the NFL Network's Draft coverage next weekend,” Brown said. “It's an honor to be asked and certainly a tribute to all of the success our guys have had in the NFL and the number of talented draft prospects we have this year. Mike (Mayock) and Charles (Davis) are good friends and I look forward to getting to know Rich (Eisen), Corey (Chavous) and Jason (La Canfora). I love watching their work and hope they know they'll have to carry me (laugh) because this is a new and different challenge for me. I'm looking forward to it."
Challenge! Ha. They might regret this decision after Mack steals the mic for an hour straight, hypnotizing everyone in the broadcast crew, production truck, and the millions of viewers watching at home into simply not caring that they missed the last 24 picks because THEY JUST COULDN'T STOP LISTENING TO THIS MAN TELL A DAMN STORY!
"So anyway, that's what happened at Texarkana High with Nathan Vasher's mom having to catch a bus back to work they shared one family car and she didn't want him to be late for prac -
"AND WITH THE 22nd PICK OF THE 2010 NFL DRAFT, SERGIO KINDLE SELECTS THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS"
GRUDEN: Now THAT'S Texas Football! The players select what team they want to play for.
MACK: Good kids who graduate.
GOODELL: Did that just happen?
Mayock: If the 6'3 1/4" 265 3/8 lb. Kindle he can overcome his rumored sexting addiction, he'll thrive in Belichick's system. Instinctive, knifing 3-4 OLB that can put his hand on the ground if needed. The last five teams that passed on him are fucking idiots, sorry, front office challenged.
GRUDEN: That Kindle guy is a football player and he's going to a great football team with the best football coach in all of football. GREAT decision, Sergio!
CHAVOUS: Man, I got so screwed. I would have picked the damn Ravens instead of the Cardinals. But be sure to check out my new site, DraftNasty.com!.
MACK: Shoulda come to Texas, Corey.
So yeah, the guy just has all the bases covered and the NFL Network was very smart to realize it.
"Mack Brown is one of the most successful college coaches of all-time and a dynamic personality," said NFL Network executive producer Eric Weinberger. "He will add a unique perspective on the former college stars as they make the jump to the NFL."
It doesn't hurt that the Browns happen to live cattycorner to the intersection of Easy St. and Smooth Ass Cove.
Let's hope Malcolm Brown's mom is watching. And unlike Bob Stoops, Mack does like puppies and Jesus.
How can you say no to this guy?