What follows is a partial transcript of a meeting held late last night at Bellmont Hall. This document was provided to Barking Carnival by closely guarded inside sources, none of which are a naked bongo-drumming Matthew McConaughey. We promise.
MACK BROWN: Well DeLoss, my goodness. (sigh) It's been a tough week.
DELOSS DODDS: (nodding solemnly) Mmm hmm.
BROWN: First we let go of our longest-tenured staff, including my closest friend Greg, in hopes of keeping Muschamp satisfied. Then just a week later Muschamp bails on the program.
DODDS: Mmm hmm.
BROWN: I gotta be frank, DeLoss, my head's a-spinnin'. We've got to pick a whole new staff, bring them into the fold and get them out to recruits ASAP. I just...I don't know where to start. I'm not even sure what to do.
DODDS: Mmm hmm.