Primer: Understanding The People In Your Bracket Pool

We've asked Chili aka Danny Ford Is God from Block-C to hang with us here on the Carnival as he goes HAM far too often for many other blogs and we've always been an island of misfit toys. He texted me these cogent thoughts from Sri Lanka where he was out researching embryonic diapause. Let the Madness begin. - S.R.

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MILTON, VICE PRESIDENT, ALL CHALK - "Look, the highest ranked team wins more often than not." Rock solid logic from Milton, who each year has all four #1 seeds in the Final Four, and who each year loses yet forges on with this specious logic. Sure, Milton, you'll place in the top 5, but you're really just going through the motions here, aren't you?

DARYL, PURCHASING, TOKEN TAR HEEL - Daryl is proof that there's a fanhood distribution center out there for people who like college sports but never set foot in a classroom and they only have two jerseys: Alabama football and UNC basketball. He's going Tar Heels all the way, even though he's yet to catch more than highlights of any of their games this year. Ask him pointed questions about the roster and he'll somehow bring up Jordan, Worthy, Hansbrough, and for some reason Makhtar Ndiaye.

TOBY, INTERN, BRACKETOLOGIST - Toby has an ESPN Insider account so he has a leg up on all of us. I tried to type this without laughing derisively and I failed.

NEIL, PROMOTIONS, ASSHOLE - Neil. Fuck Neil.

SHERRIE, EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT, TWO TIME DEFENDING CHAMP – In what has become a tried and true law of office brackets, the seemingly innocuous secretary has the hot hand and owns your office's pool. What you don't know is that Sherrie cut her teeth as a handicapper for her uncle Salvatore and was known as the Cincinnati Shake while setting spreads in grade school. You think she's picking the team with the prettiest uniforms, but she knows the star point guard's shaving points to keep up his special K habit and the shooting guard has an aversion to dribbling on parquet floors.