Big 12 Recap: Week 3 - Tote Bags & Tiaras

The Longhorns earned their first SEC victory of the 2012 season over Ole Miss on Saturday. SCOREBOARD AGAIN, AGGIES.

Kansas State did not bludgeon an opponent by 40 with black magic. Is there cause for concern in Manhattan heading into the OU game or is Snyder lulling Bob Stoops to sleep while he plots wicked revenge for the drubbing OU gave the Cats last year?

Iowa State is 3-0 with Steele Jantz' testes swelling at an exponential rate. If the Cyclones were playing Bama this week, Paul Rhoads would still like his odds. Instead, they are playing Tech so he likes his odds even better. Red ass, moxie, and grain alcohol is a dangerous combo, Iowa State Fan. But don't stop the party because HOLY SHIT YOU'RE STILL UNDEFEATED.

Texas Tech's Eric Ward scores a touchdown every other catch. Is this a bowl bound Red Raider squad or another Tuberville mirage? OC Neal Brown has molded a confident bunch, not dissimilar to the high stepping bravado of a teen fleeing Walmart after huffing spray paint. This bunch willingly locks themselves in electrical closets when they drop a pass.

can you spot dedfischer in the video?

David Ash won the Davey O'Brien weekly QB Award and sits 4th in the nation in passing efficiency. We predicted this would happen. Search the archives if you dare prove us wrong.

Baylor and TCU took steps back with lackluster wins against Sam Houston State and Kansas, respectively. Virtually equal opponents, imo. Kansas continues to take the ball away (12 on the season) but unfortunately Dayne Christ ends up humping that football in the backfield before the play has a chance.

It may be three days late, but I've been on vacation, and now it's time to hand out some awards for footballing valor and shame. Step into our strip mall ballroom and pull up a fold out chair while we hand out this week's Big 12 Tote Bags & Tiaras.

TOTE BAGS

A brutal October stretch looms. Heart rate rising ... pack appropriately. You might not be coming home for awhile.

Brandon Carter | TCU - The former Euless Trinity star hauled in 8 catches for 144 yards and 2 TDs, helping TCU land it's first Big 12 victory. That's 25 straight conference wins if we're counting Mountain West victories. Casey Pachall fumbled three times and starting RB Waymon James is out for the season after tearing up his knee, leaving an uncertain future for ball control in greater Fort Worth. Not eight balls, of course. Those are still easy to come by. Big back Matthew Tucker takes over for James. Davey O'Brien will chime in below why Texas should have recruited him. Losing Daje Johnson to Texas has to sting right now for Patterson.

Poke's Offense - While the opponent is still taping ankles in the locker room, Okie State has already put up 17 on the scoreboard, as Louisiana Monroe found out on Saturday. Unlike Arizona, they were unable to get back in the game. Wes Lunt limped off with a knee injury on the 6th play of the game and J.D. Walsh stepped in to throw for 350 and 4 TDs with another 70 and a TD on the ground. The two freshmen QBs help pilot a record setting 740 yards of offense, trumping 2010's 725 yard effort dropped on Baylor. Randle rambled for his customary 105 yards and two TDs. As good as these numbers look, it doesn't take away that bedshart in Arizona. Let's hope for another one in Stillwater next Saturday.

Seth Doege | QB | Texas Tech - Why can't your team's QB throw for six touchdowns? Because shit just runs different on the high plains. Doegge channeled his inner Sonny Kliff Cumberry, slinging the ball to all points uncovered against a New Mexico secondary that Texas just couldn't crack, piling up 702 yards of offense at nearly 8 yards per play. That'll work. Scipio warned you the transitive property of college football would fail here and it surely did. Meanwhile, Tech's D has been surprisingly stout, as it held New Mexico to less offensive yards than special teams yards (144 to 177).

Honorary Tote: Chris Thompson | RB | FSU - Homeboy ran for 197 yards and 2 TDs on NINE carries, for 22+ per clip. Are the Noles back? Doesn't matter, they play in the ACC.

TIARAS

You'd act like the tough guy, too, if you had been molested by a rogue pack of rust belt Woodchucks and lost your chin and soul at the same time . / © ACE@BC

Dayne Crist | QB, Theoretically | Kansas - As long as Crist continues to fail in delivering Charlie Weiss' perfect vision of a pro style offense in college football, we will hold him and only him accountable. Crist would want it that way. Sometimes genius isn't recognized until a later generation and when the earth harvests enough bronze to make one of Charlie Weiss, you will look back on him fondly, bowing in respect to the misunderstood coordinator who continued to elude success at every level. Nobody will remember Dayne Crist. Meanwhile, Jayhawk fans are waiting for basketball season, whining "Crist, Dane, step your game up jeez already!"

Oh, Baylor - The fastest way to land yourself on this list is to trail Sam Houston State at halftime by ten points. BUT HERE COMES HONEY BEAR BEAR. QB Nick Florence delivered second half salvation with some help from stud WR Terrance Williams, putting bear paw on bearkat neck with a flurry of furry TDs. Of course, the Baylor defense also offered 400 yards of offense in a non-demoninational, faith-based gesture of non-tackling.

Kansas States's Lack of Focusness - Bring On The Cats said it was inevitable and Bill Snyder agreed. "We didn't practice well Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday." The result was a lackluster 35-21 win over the North Texas Mean Green, which needed a kick return for a TD and some late FrankenKlein heroics to pull off the win.

Honorary Crown: Lane Kiffin - check out the actual audio that USC later censored revealing Lane Kiffin to be the little bitch you always thought he was.