Welcome back to the Pig Stye, AM 1350. God's country SEC talk radio connection. I'm Grimey - aka Paschall Grimes - joined by The Nutsack.
It's 14 minutes after the hour, 46 minutes 'til the next, that's 16 minutes 'til the middle of the hour, and we're here talking Razorback football. Be advised, we got a Smuckers big rig overturned near Ponca City, and the locals on the highway loadin' up on jellies.
Yes, indeed. I like the kind that's pre-mixed with that Jif. I eat it with my hands like a bear.
Well, Nutsack, call them Hawgs boy!
Hoooooieeeeee! Soooooooooooeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!
Razorbacks had a poor spell of luck after DESTROYING Jacksonville State in their opener. A lot of people had Jacksonville State as their dark horse for a national title and the Hawgs thumped 'em.
Whipped 'em.
Whipped 'em like a stepson on a rented mule.
Then...
Life in the SEC.
Yessir, life in the SEC.
Louisiana-Monroe come in here with that SEC speed and edge the Razorbacks on a fluke.
That's why SEC is big-boy football and why the NFC East wants no part of us.
You hear that Goodell, you so-and-so.
Grimey will dog cuss you, Goodell.
But for now I'm gonna pig whistle 'em.
No, not the pig whistle!
Pig whistle!
No, not the pig whistle!
Pig whistle!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY. TWEEEEET.
So we drop a close one to Loozy Monroe. Then I come across'd this:
An angel.
Lord, yes.
A guldernned angel.
Tell it, Nutsack.
I got tears in my....my....
It's OKAY, Nutsack. You can let it...
She's an...angel. My heart is aching for this sweet, tender, lady. I...chokes..
USE IT. USE THAT EMOTION. FOR YOUR RADIO. CHANNEL IT INTO YOUR ANALYSIS.
I WILL. I SHALL ONE DAY BETROTH HER. AND SHE SHALL BEAR MY PIGLETS AND WE WILL EAT JELLIES.
I'm gonna blow you up!
Blow me up, Grimey!
KABOOOOM!
I done blowed him up.
So ridin' on the hymns of an angel, Arkansas stubbed they toe against Alabama.
Competitive.
Yes, competitive.
52-0 don't quite do the game justice. It sounds worse than it was.
It was more like a 35-0 loss. I don't even want to get into the officiating.
Y'all can't see what I'm doing on account this is radio, but I just flipped up both hands and shot finger pistols at him as if to say,"Bingo." But y'all can't see it on account of radio. It don't...what's the word?
Hibernate?
CONVEY.
Then we saw the true mettle of our leader. Coach John L Smith:
That's a man right there.
All man.
George Patton.
That man guzzles turpentine and fondles copperheads in they privates.
His piss could heal glaucoma.
If he attended a Kumite, he would would fight in a pastel dress shirt, naked below the waist.
This is the man you want leading you on Iwo Jima.
Hell, yes. Probly wouldda won that war with John L leading things.
Bygones is in the past, as they say.
John L deserve a blow up. With a smile.
Better blow him up, then!
KABOOOOOOOOM!
SMILE!
I know some of y'all is upset with the Hawgs.
Some.
I said some.
Reality check, people.
Reality 'bout to come at you right now. Listen for it.
We in what league, Nutsack?
SEC.
What?
That SEC.
Right.
How hard is it to win a SEC game?
Impossible.
Darn near.
If the Hogs split their remaining games, we will be in a BCS game. Guaranteed.
Take that to the bank.
Or to...underneath your mattress.
Right.
Or to a jar buried in your yard.
A crawlspace.
Where you store valuables, is what we mean.
Take it to that.
What we just said, you take it, and you bring it to the place that best approximates a bank.
Perhaps even the chits that you are issued at the company store.
Or carnival tickets.
The point of my simile...
Metaphor.
The point of my...metaphor?
I believe?
I will check that.
Anyway, the point of my comparison is that you, the listener, should take my prediction to be stored amongst your valuables....secure that prediction there and then...
Wherever they may be. Perhaps they have bad credit?
Yes. Well, all of them do.
...but store that prediction with them. The way Nutsack has stored that singing Pig-Lady all up in his aorta.
An angel.
No doubt.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Y'all just got blowed up!