Texas Will Not Be Placing Its John Thomas in Opposing Defenses

Whether we should attribute the news to academics, or John Thomas realizing that Texas TE is the drummer for Spinal Tap, the Horns have a free spot in their 2014 recruiting class.

I wouldn't mind six or seven more.

Reached for comment, Texas TE coach Bruce Chambers remarked:

"IN LIBERIA, TIGHT ENDS GO INTO BATTLE WEARIN A DIAPER AND A TOPHAT.  MY WIFE POSTS DELICIOUS RECIPES ON FACEBOOK!  WHERE ARE MY CAR KEYS?  HEY YOU SQUIRRELS.  HEY YOU SQUIRRELS.  GIVE ME MY CAR KEYS BACK.  GET MY SQUIRREL STICK YOU NO GOOD MJ MAC-FARLANT."