Mack Responds to the New Recruiting Rules

The NCAA recently announced proposed revisions to its recruiting rules that would significantly reduce or eliminate limitations on the size of a school's recruiting staff, the frequency of contact with recruits, and the amount of promotional materials a school may send to prep stars. The new rules have college coaches scrambling to ramp up their recruiting efforts and hire new staff dedicated to scouting and player evaluation.

Some actions University of Texas head coach Mack Brown is taking in response to the new rules include:

• He's looking into it. Also, he's mulling it over, pondering the relevant considerations, chewing on it, and giving it some thought.
• Kicking back in his office chair, taking a big bite from one of Sally's cookies, and just letting the world melt away.
• Hell if I know, Chester. Prolly somethin' or other, once he gits 'round to it.
• Finally approving Jeff Madden's proposal for a "Chopped-Beef-Sandwich-in-an-Envelope" mass mailer campaign.
• Whenever the new NCAA rules come up in staff meetings, disinterestedly shrugging before launching into incoherent tirade about the Longhorn Network.
• Creating a list of big-time jerkoffs that he would just love hire only to fire next year, when *sigh* the NCAA will probably reinstitute the old rules.
• Copying whatever Alabama does. Except instead of hiring an army of experienced, competent football experts to handle scouting, talent evaluation, and recruiting, just letting Chris Jesse take care of all that stuff.
• From now on, when a committed recruit visits another school, Bill Little will tweet petty insults about the recruit's reproductive organs and romantic inadequacies.
• Sitting alone in dimly-lit office late at night and, with elbows on desk, head resting in hands, and half-empty bottle of scotch nearby, muttering "What would Lloyd Carr do? Think, dammit! THINK! What... would... Lloyd... do?" to no one in particular.
• Cowering under his blankey-num-num, praying for God to make the scary new college football landscape go away.
• He's doing nothing. No, seriously. He's doing absolutely nothing.