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Texas Longhorns vs. Houston Cougars Baseball Super Regional Preview and Open Thread

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So you're late to the party, and woefully underprepared for today's Super Regional matchup between the Longhorns and Cougars (3:00 on ESPN2). Fret not! We have compiled a helpful Q&A that explains literally every facet of the matchup in excruciating detail. Let's begin.

I haven't been following Texas baseball, like, at all.

That is not a question.

Are we any good?

Yes! Sometimes? Really, this team has been all over the place. Conference play was kind of a mess, honestly, but the important thing is we're here now.

And where is here?

Let's say the Sweet Sixteen.

Is this the X Games?

No.

But I was hoping t–

Shut up, no.

Who is Augie Garrido?

Augie Garrido is the host of a popular cooking show on a local cable access channel. He is fond of culinary adventures and the occasional glass of cabernet sauvignon [WINK WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK]. He is also a renowned Zen philosopher and dabbles in motivational speaking.

The series is in Austin – the Longhorns had a better season?

Not especially, no. In a fair and just world, this super regional Sweet Sixteen would probably be played in Houston, but fortunately for my travel time and seating comfort, the NCAA is a much bigger fan of money than it is of fairness.

Wait, are these the same Cougars with that Taysom Hill guy?

No, that's BYU. And football.

Good, because fuck that guy.

Seriously.

Will the Horns win?

Shit man, I don't l know.

Who's pitching?

Let's check with George Brett…

Thanks, George Brett. Probably Parker French and Jake Lemoine, but it could be Thornhill and Garza, or some other completely different combination. While we wait for an answer, why not go back and watch that whole video from the beginning?

Oh my God.

Right?

Who shits their pants twice a year?

George Brett, apparently.

That's enough thoughtful analysis for today, I'm exhausted. Consider this your open thread for all general dipshittery, X Games insight, and occasional baseball commentary. Hook 'em.