Shooting From the Corner: Oklahoma Sooners @ Texas Longhorns

This will probably date me, but in watching the first half of Texas Longhorns basketball, I'm reminded of the monkey scene in 2001. For anyone over 35 - or anyone with a RTF degree - you know the scene I'm talking about.

This Texas team looked like the monkey staring at the bone, only they never connected the dots & figured out how to use it as a tool. Probably 18 out of 20 minutes in the first half consisted of the Texas Longhorns beating themselves in the face with leg bones, arm bones, face bones(if you weren't aware, I'm not a doctor of bones), whatever was handy. Meanwhile, I sat on the periphery, laughing out loud like Rene Russo watching Roy McAvoy asking for another ball on the 18th hole of the US Open. Sometimes you just have to laugh, because otherwise you're kicking the cat. Then you end up with the carpet full of cat shit, a cat that's swiping at your feet - and of course you never declawed the thing - and a girlfriend that thinks you're a potential psychopath. And maybe you are, but TOO LATE WE BOTH SIGNED THIS MORTGAGE AHAHAHAHA sorry where was I. Right.

POSITIVES

• I found a pretty good stout while watching this game. The Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Stout is pretty good, guys.
• Technically, Isaiah Taylor had a better shooting night than he did against Texas Tech. A guy shooting 30% from the field counts as a positive, which should tell you everything. But you're here, so you might as well read the remaining 600 words. I promise I'll make it vaguely entertaining. Probably.
  
• During a timeout, I saw Dirk Nowitzki pass Moses Malone on the all-time NBA scoring list. So there's that.
• Uhh...'Justified' is coming back this month.

I'm going to take a moment for a musical interlude. Let's cheer things up a bit.

NEGATIVES

Jesus, where do I start.

• Cameron Ridley outweighs every single player on OU by at least 50 pounds. You want to know how many points he scored? 3 more than you did. He did excel at spending time on the floor though; by which I mean he was splayed out on the court more than half the kids dancing in the under-4 timeout. This could have been a double-double night against an underpowered Oklahoma Sooner frontcourt, instead he was outplayed by a 6'8" forward bro with a tribal tattoo that spans half his ribcage. Is it legal to impound Cam's Jester meal card until he learns how to pass out of a double team? Probably not unless we retain Alberto Gonzales as legal counsel.
  
• Kendal Yancy:
  
• Jonathan Holmes almost had an Isaiah Taylor pass hit him in the face. Well, technically, the side of the face because HE WASN'T F*%$ING LOOKING for the ball.
• One of the Burnt Orange Nation contributors suggested Myles Turner should be more selfish offensively if Texas was going to win the Big 12. If this is him being more selfish, no thanks. (I don't think it is, I think he was trying to create something as the rest of the team floundered like me asking a girl out for prom. Still, it was pretty painful.)
• I just picked a nose hair that was really in thereGAAAAAAAH OH GOD WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH PLEASE KILL ME.
• In case you didn't notice, OU got to clear out their bench. In a conference game. On the road. Against a top ten team. Texas better be shooting fire out of every orifice when they get to Norman next month, because they need to steal a road win to make up for this home loss.
• That was a home loss in a conference where the winner could very well have a losing road record. Texas can't lose any more home games if they want to dethrone the Kansas Jayhawks. Period.

There isn't enough lipstick in Sarah Palin's house to cover this pig. It's one thing to lose, it's another thing to play an entire half while DJ Mel booms 'Yakety Sax' in the background. (Let's be honest, he probably had it queued up because Mel knows how to read a room.) Rick Barnes' best plan going forward is to set this tape on fire, then make every player jump over the fire, because they should be immune to being burned after tonight as it is. Next up is Oklahoma State on Saturday in Stillwater. Tip is at 4pm on ESPNU.