Texas Pregamer: Kansas State

We did it.

Victory has been achieved. In the biggest game of all time - the granddaddy of them all -  we have come out on top. The corn has been shucked. It’s time to get our celebration on.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

(archival Pregamer footage, Iowa State 2012)

We’re so stoked about beating a 1-6 team, most of the Pregamer staff has gone on vacation this week. That’s not actually a joke - a bunch of us did go on vacation and have been out of the office all week so this will likely be a shorter, sexier, potentially drunker Pregamer than most.

But the show must go on. And since the easiest way to fill space is ripping off what we did last year, let’s take a look:

Oh.

Well now I just feel sad inside. Of course it’s just a coincidence. We make super random purple jokes with Prince and Kansas State all the time... But maybe we should we warn Ned Flanders, Burt Reynold’s chest hair, the entire band of Kansas, and anyone else from last years photos just to be sure.

This week is a make or break game against Kansas State. Which might, more accurately, be a break or not-make game for a fanbase that’s attention span is running super thin. Good thing we’re not playing a magical wizard man that manages to go undefeated against us at home since 2002. That’s not a lot of time or anything.

Hook 'em.

UPDATE: This is apparently Kansas State's Homecoming week. And they're serving a "Ham and cheese egg casserole." Both of those things are disrespectful and upsetting. This game is now a MUST-WIN.

Fun fact number one - John Carlin, former archivist of the United States and former Kansas governor was a Wildcat.

Fun fact number two - our usual Better Know a Roster guy is at a wedding.

Fun fact number three - it’s Cadillac Margarita Thursdays at Casa Escobar. It’s also known as spellcheck optional Thursdays. Or at least it is now.

News

• Apparently College Station is so bad, that it's denizens take vacations to...Norman, Oklahoma?
• Alabama, also #1 at trolling. Troll Tide.
• Three Big 12 players retired in the past week...there's no joke here. That's just scary.
• The Big 12 also didn't buy the expansion pack and will probably skip out on the DLC.
• Mike Gundy is a man. He’s...68? How old do you have to be to rail against "the millennials?"
• A trip to Manhattan is always a good excuse to remind you that Bill Snyder coaches on the Bill Snyder sideline of the Bill Snyder Field at the Bill Snyder Family Stadium in BillSyndhattan, Kansas.
• ...And also that Bill Snyder does not age.

Better Know a Roster

Colborn Couchman (LB, Sr.) - How has West Virginia not stolen a kid named "Coal-burn Coach-man?"

Brogan Barry (DB, Jr.) - When we were in middle school, the idea of Brogan as a name was about as likely as a Brosideon, King of the Brocean. We know realize those people we had as friends in middle school now have kids in college. We are old.

Abdul Beecham (OL, So) - Last name gets you into a nice southern private school, but the first name won’t get you into a Republican rally. BOOM! Politics.

Evan Curl (OL, Fr. RS) - Great bicep regimen, bad pecs. Curls for the girls though, bruh.

Kaelin Key (DT, Fr.) - The name of my level 4 Elf Ranger in D&D. He’s pretty rad.

Wykeen Gill (QB, Fr.) - The level 4 dragonborn wizard. Slightly less rad.

Charmeachealle Moore (LB, Sr.), Colby Moore (WR, So.), Cre Moore (DB, Jr.) - A tip of the hat to Mr. Moore, who never stopped at less.

D.J. Render (WR, Fr.) - The dopest sound. When you're waiting for the bass to drop...and it just keeps rendering.

Sam Sizelove (LB, So.) - 6.5 inches. In case you were wondering.

Mitch Lochbiler (P, So.) - Of Course Bill Snyder has a 6'7", 240-lb punter. Of course he does.

Dalvin Warmack (RB, So.) - The final evolution of that Aggie traitor Defensive Tackle. Or something. I’m tired and drunk and miss my writing partners. On to the next thingy.

Bill Snyder Anagrams:

One for every century of coaching.

• Ladybird Zen Swirl
• Drywall Biz Diners
• Lazy Bird Swindler
• Brazed Windy Rills
• Sly, blinder wizard
• Nerdy bills wizard
• Lib Nerd; Sly wizard
• Wizard by ill ends
• Ribaldry lends wiz
• Brazenly Did Swirl
• Zebras Wildly Rind
• Brazil Swindle Dry
• Brawny Sized Drill
• Landslid Berry Wiz
• Lizard By Swindler
• Wizardry Bled Nils
• Zany Redbird Swill
• Bridal Nerd Wiz Sly
• Drably Wild Zen Sir

Predictions:

Texas wins. I go to sleep before the room stops spinning. TEXAS FIIIIIGHT!

Parting shot:

The editorial staff at The Texas Pregamer would like to extend our deepest apology for the heinous crime of not reporting any and all belly tattoos before each game. The correction has been added below for posterity.

And a Flashback Friday, though he's graduated and moved on from the team:

Collin Sexton (WR, JR) - Sounds like the hook to a really fantastic R&B song. "Girl go head and give me them digits. I'mma get wit it. Hope you have unlimited plan, cause I'ma be: Collin, Sexton, Late Night Textin."