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Longhorns Take the Voight-Kampff Empathy Test

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I've seen things
I've seen things
Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Sit down. Please don't move. Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention.

Now, answer as quickly as you can:

Just warming you up, that's all.

You're in Black Mesa, walking along in the sand, maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself (who knows?), when you look down and you see Austin Kendall, crawling in search of 3.2% ABV beer.

You reach down and help him over on his back, his belly baking in the hot sun until he starts talking smack with the Buckeye defense. He wants to shut up, but he can't.

Not without your help.

But you're not helping. Why is that, Longhorn?

Just questions, Longhorn. We've all seen things other people wouldn't believe. Greg Davis' playbook on fire off the shoulder of McCoy. Couches cindering in the dark near Milan Puskar gate.

Can't wait for Kevin Vaccaro to tell Davis Webb about his mother.