Saturday CFB Open Thread

Well, Barkers, we’ve got quite the endurance test ahead of us. Texas kicks off against the Cal Che Guevaras Bears at a smooth 9:30 CST, but between now and then there’ quite the slate of appetizing college football action.

Florida State travels to Louisville to either derail the Lamar Jackson Hype Train or find themselves immolated by booster rocket exhaust as it turns into the Lamar Jackson Hype Mission to Mars. Choo choo!

Bama takes on Ole Miss in a battle of Old School vs. Nu Skool under the table player payments.

The fourth-ranked Michigan Wolverines will attempt to knock the snot out of a suddenly feisty Colorado Buffaloes squad. And then, presumably, eat it.

The Aggies travel to Auburn for the Basket of Deplorables Bowl. Keep Sumlin!

The Bayou Bengals host Mississippi State in a game that may see the Cajun Mafia quietly dispose of Les Miles’ corpse in the swamp if the LSU offense can’t crack 24 points.

The Domers host Michigan State, and we’ll get to see what DeShone Kizer can do against Mark Dantonio’s boys while a Connor Cook-less Spartan air attack tests a dubious Irish secondary.

And, the non-Longhorn piece de resistance (French for “piece of resistance”) sees the Sooners try to defend Owens Field from J.T. Barrett and the Buckeyes. Hopefully the sharp minds of the Carnival won’t be deluded by any asinine notions of conference unity and will pull for Mike Weber and Curtis Samuel to each break a hundy on the ground and stomp the Sooners into bolivian.

Will the Top 25 undergo significant upheaval after today’s high profile slate? Will Longhorn fans be able to pace themselves to make it to and through a near-1:00 AM finish on the West Coast? Will we see the drunkest Shooting From the Hip ever?

Only time will tell.