Watching Texas football is an exercise in frustration, like looking through a one-way mirror in a soundproof room and seeing your grandmother try to download an app on a new phone without her readers on. College baseball season is months away, and David Pierce is too busy landing third basemen for the 2029 class to do interviews. So allow us to tempt you with a book....about an 11-win basketball team?
Let’s try this again.
Texas football is a Jonah Hill sex tape playing on a VR headset gorilla-glued to your face. Texas men’s soccer, uhh, doesn’t exist. So maybe it’s time for you to get excited with a book about the team that finished last in the Big 12 last season.
Mohamed Bamba is tall. Buy the book?
In all seriousness, there’s reason for optimism with the latest incarnation of Texas Longhorns basketball. Between maybe the best Longhorns recruit since Kevin Durant, a true point guard in Matt Coleman, the finally-eligible stretch four Dylan Osetkowski, and a year of development from Andrew Jones and Kerwin Roach II, this team is looking to make a significant leap this year.
Would you like to know where Jeff Haley and I think Texas will finish in the Big 12?
Would you like to know why NBA teams are salivating over Mo Bamba?
Would you like to know how we made Euron Greyjoy and swimming tigers jokes fit into this season?
Have you seen another book with math humor and rampant self-plagiarization this side of Dianetics?
Buy the book. It’s $4.99, the same price as a Jason Chilton autograph or a Scipio Tex custom feet video, both of which depreciate in value at a much faster rate than an ebook about Texas basketball. When you think about it we’re making you money. You’re welcome.