An Updated Timeline of the FBI NCAA Basketball Corruption Probe

The revelations from the FBI’s investigation into NCAA basketball have been many and the places where you can find an updated timeline of all the events have been few, so I thought it would be helpful to create a single source of all the allegations for our readers to reference. Some of these events are mundane and some are pretty wild, but this list is heavily-sources and nearly 100% accurate^.

• 09/26/17: ASM agent Andy Miller’s office is raided by the FBI. Christian Dawkins, the agent/runner eventually revealed to be at the center of this investigation, is one of 10 people arrested.
• 09/26/17: USC announces assistant coach Tony Bland is placed on administrative leave after being arrested by the FBI for allegedly accepting $13,000 in bribes.
• 09/27/17: Middle Tennessee reveals senior guard Giddy Potts will be forced to miss one game after admitting he spoke to a guy who said he was an agent. The man later turned out to be in real estate & Potts was reinstated.
• 09/28/17: Oklahoma State fires Lamont Evans following accusations he accepted $22,000 in bribes.
• 10/15/17: Penn State junior Satchel Pierce has been found in possession of pirated DVD copies of The Pirates of Penzance. Coach Pat Chambers made Pierce run laps after practice, but joined him on the track as Chambers said “nobody should be punished for loving Kevin Kline”.
• 10/16/17: Louisville announces they have fired Rick Pitino for his transgressions. When local radio personality Mark Ennis asks Louisville AD Tom Jurich if the firing is related to the FBI investigation, Jurich responds “the who with the what now” before leaping out of a nearby window.
• 10/17/17: Louisville announces the passing of athletic director Tom Jurich for injuries related to a recent four-story fall.
• 11/10/17: Collin Sexton is suspended for 1 game before being reinstated by Alabama. His position on Kevin Kline is unknown.
• 01/10/18: Brian Bowen — alleged to have received $100,000 to commit to Louisville — announces he is transferring to South Carolina. The NCAA has not ruled on whether Bowen will be eligible to play any games for the Gamecocks.
• 01/10/18: Frank Martin announces he has exhausted his suit budget for the next 4 years, and that he has also misplaced his comp car so maybe somebody could get him an extra one for the next few months.
• 01/11/18: USC releases a statement acknowledging they are holding De’Anthony Melton out for the season as his eligibility has been up in the air since news broke of a family friend being paid $5,000 to direct Melton to a specific agent.
• 01/11/18: The NCAA announces that Auburn center Austin Wiley is ineligible for accepting impermissible benefits.
• 01/27/18: Bruce Pearl is seen at a local Racetrac gas station buying 17 prepaid phones. When asked why he is purchasing such a large amount of phones, Pearl stares into the ether for 45 seconds before blurting out “I like phones”. An unmarked white van is spotted following Pearl’s car as he peels out of the parking lot.
• 02/23/18: San Diego State rules senior Malik Pope is ineligible after reports surface of Pope allegedly taking $1,400 in loans from ASM.
• 02/24/18: Texas junior Eric Davis, Jr. is held out of competition as the UT athletic department investigates allegations Davis accepted $1,500 in loans from the ASM agency. Texas declined to get into specifics, but when asked for comment Davis responded:

• 02/25/18: Arizona suspends head coach Sean Miller after ESPN reports the FBI has taped phone calls of Miller discussing a $100,000 payment to Deandre Ayton with Christian Dawkins.
• 02/28/18: Sean Miller is spotted backing up a U-Haul truck to a local dry cleaner. There are reports of several witnesses fainting from the pungent aroma when the truck’s rear doors are opened, including one man who was standing too close and described the scene as “the saltiest waterboarding this side of Gitmo”.
• 03/01/18: UCF self-reports a secondary NCAA violation as they admitted to letting junior center Tacko Fall spend several days holding onto UCF’s self-made national championship trophy. The athletic department says this technically qualifies as a loan under NCAA bylaws and as such was an impermissible benefit, but they are hopeful Fall will regain eligibility when the NCAA admits they can’t hold a player accountable for a championship the NCAA refuses to recognize.
• 03/09/18: Video surfaces of Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski paying his players $500 for every Durham-area hobo they choke out after they post proof of the act in a private Snapchat group.
• 03/10/18: The tournament selection committee announces it has reviewed the video and determined Duke is now the #1 overall seed.
• 03/11/18: Duke president Vincent Price (not that one) announces they have gathered up every hobo in the Raleigh-Durham metro area and loaded them into FedEx crates to be shipped to whatever city Duke plays. Price notes it is important for players like Grayson Allen to be able to choke out a homeless person on demand so he can take the court with supreme confidence. Price stresses the importance of the homeless people being from the Research Triangle, stating the players should “race how they train”.
• 03/15/18: Duke loses in the first round to the Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions. In the postgame press conference, Mike Krzyzewski announces he has signed the top-rated recruiting classes in 2019, 2020, and 2021.
• 03/20/18: News begins to leak of possible infractions by Virginia head coach Tony Bennett, but Bennett slowly backs the leak into a corner and smothers the leak before it can score. As a result, KenPom raises Bennett’s adjusted defensive efficiency metric by 2%.
• 03/26/18: Tennessee Tech guard Kajon Mack will be held out of team activities for a week after coaches discover Mack has been donating his meal stipend to a local food bank for the past year.
• 03/28/18: The NCAA announces the death penalty for Tennessee Tech, citing institutional failures including out of control volunteering and rampant benevolence.
• 04/02/18: After crowning the Michigan State Spartans as the 2018 NCAA national champions, NCAA president Mark Emmert walks into the postgame press conference and sits down behind the cadre of microphones. Rather than answer any questions, Emmert reaches behind him, pulling on a ripcord which unfurls a giant American flag. Emmert raises a single index finger, signaling a pair of large black men in chains to enter the room holding a live baby goat in their hands. Emmert takes the goat from the men, unhinges his jaw, and inserts the entire goat into his mouth. Emmert spends the next eight minutes swallowing the goat, never once breaking his unblinking gaze into the soul of Doug Gottlieb who is sitting in the front row. Emmert finishes his postgame meal, stands up, yells “AMERICA”, and disappears in a cloud of smoke.
• 04/03/18: The NCAA announces a contract extension and 10% raise for Mark Emmert, citing his above-average job performance over the past year.
• 04/04/18: Sean Miller is reinstated at Arizona, Lamont Evans is hired at Memphis, and Rick Pitino is introduced as the new head coach at Ole Miss.
• 04/05/18: Duke is ranked #1 in Sports Illustrated’s “way too early top 25”.

^give or take 90%