Texas Baseball cleverly tanks Big 12 Tournament to set up regional run

Longhorn Baseball bowed out quickly from the Big 12 tournament with a 3-2 loss to KU and a 3-1 loss to OU and it’s now apparent that Texas was simply biding its time for the regionals beginning on June 1st.

Longhorns hitters wisely chose not to make contact with pitches in order to spare potential ulnar strain and Longhorn pitchers threw in the mid 70s to work out kinks and give their rotator cuffs a spa day. Similarly, Longhorn fielders often rested during opponent at-bats, reclining on the grass and envisioning cloud animals in the chemical emissions from nearby Oklahoma City Funyun factories.

Three dimensional chess master David Pierce, feigning interest and engagement, completed the subterfuge by getting thrown out of the Oklahoma game, when he taunted the umpires with spoilers from Infinity Wars.