Cody Hawkins should change his name to "Codo Hawkfoot", because he is not only the size of, but has the arm and mobility, of a second cousin of Frodo Baggins.
Aric Goodman might actually be worse at his position than Codo is at his. At least Goodman has a genetic excuse; an early ancestor, Shtetl Goodman, spent 39 years trying to lead the Hebrews out of the desert, but he kept missing the exit. (Moses finally subbed himself in and Canaan was, at last, achieved.) And then there was great-uncle L'chaim Goodman, the world's worst mohel; missed the foreskin at 38 straight bris.
I won't go into TWSS (The World's Slowest Secondary), except to say that they wouldn't be able to pick Noel Devine out of a lineup since they've never seen him from the front.