You don’t tug on Superman’s cape;
You don’t spit into the wind;
You don’t pull the mask on that old Lone Ranger,
And you don’t mess around with Jim.

As old as he is, one would have thought Florida Atlantic Coach Howard Schnellenberger might have at some point during the 1970s heard and listened to the lyrics of that great old Jim Croce song, and possibly even taken them to heart. The object lesson of the song is a simple one: When you’re playing a game against a guy who is bigger, stronger, quicker and better-armed than you are, you keep your freaking mouth shut. If you don’t, things can get ugly in a hurry.

Schnelly, though, is from the old school. The real old school. The kind of old school in which you talk smack at the worst possible time, for no apparent reason, and piss big bad Jim off royally. This is apparently what Schnelly refers to as “motivation”. The great majority of the rest of sentient beings in this world refer to it as sheer and utter stupidity.

For those who have been out of the country until this morning, about a week ago, Coach Schnelly told the smattering of Florida press who are able to actually find the South Florida field house with the assistance of their Tom Tom Gos that “Texas isn’t tough.” Last night it became evident that certain Texas football players, like Brian Orakpo and Jared Norton and Roderick Muckelroy and Sergio Kindle and Lamar Houston and Roy Miller and Blake Gideon and Henry Melton and Chykie Brown had read Coach Schnelly’s press clippings and taken them to heart. Schnelly left the turf at DKR Texas Memorial Stadium unscathed, but a few of his offensive starters did not, and they have their brilliant coach to thank for that.

Coach Schnelly tugged on Superman’s cape, and it came back to bite his players in a big way.

When the Longhorn Band struck up the Florida Atlantic Alma Mater, I searched and searched the crowd at the stadium to see where the new visitors’ seating arrangements are this season. My search was in vain - I was not able to spot a single contingent of Owl faithful. On the entire day and night, I saw exactly two fans wearing Florida Atlantic gear last night: One very, very beautiful blonde, and her companion, who was also a female, and that’s all we’ll say about that.

Well, if I had a dumbass coach like Schnelly who rolled packed panther crap like we saw last night out onto the field each week, I wouldn’t be traveling to away games, either. Quit spitting into the wind, Coach, and give your kids the chance to retain a shred of dignity.

Let’s go to the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

UGLY:

• Texas first quarter pass defense. The Texas defense began the game looking just like the Chinese fire drill the UT coaches rolled out onto the field in 2007 and 2006. At the quarter’s end, the Longhorns had surrendered 146 total yards to FAU, a number that was mitigated by a 23 yard loss on a bad shotgun snap. 121 of the yards had come on four huge pass plays by the Owls, as the Texas secondary was repeatedly caught out of position. Not a great way to begin. But unlike the last two atrocious seasons, this version of the Texas Defense showed character and resilience and recovered extremely well. We’ll discuss that in a bit.
• Late hits by FAU. While being poorly-prepared and undisciplined, the FAU defense made up for things by being stupid as well, throwing in several late hits on Colt McCoy as he stepped out of bounds. Had it not been for the enormous bulk of Mad Dog Madden forming an impenetrable roadblock on the sidelines, the second such late hit would have sent Colt head first into the portable air conditioning units on the Longhorn sideline. Great job, Mad Dog.
• FAU’s team needs more dreadlocks like “Don’t Fear the Reaper” needs more cowbell. Very mindful of Schnellenberger’s Miami teams from the early ’80s in both appearance and demeanor.
• Pitt gets bitch-slapped by Bowling Green. My prediction that Dave Wannstedt would figure out a way to lose at least 3 or 4 games despite being unbelievably ranked in the Top 25 is right on track.

The BAD:

• Kickoff coverage. Despite being given consistently long and high kickoffs from the toe of Justin Tucker, the Longhorn coverage teams were not able to get anyone downfield early to pin FAU deep. There were two exceptions to this in 9 kickoffs. Ok, so I’m picking at nits here, I know, but there has to be something to work on in special teams this week, and this is it.
• FAU’s defense. Let’s face it, this was not supposed to be a good defense, and it lived up to its billing.
• Rich Rodriguez’s debut at the Big House. So why’d they fire that other guy again? Seriously, RichRod will be fine at Michigan, but this was not the way he had drawn it up on the boards.

The GOOD:

• Officiating. Yeah, there were a few questionable calls, and one big miss by the field officials on a non-fumble by Vondrell McGee, but it was corrected by the replay official, only after Mack inexplicably had to challenge what was a blatantly obvious horrible call. Otherwise, though, they called a fine game. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing since we were the home team, these were not Big 12 officials. I didn’t recognize the referee, anyway.
• Arkansas State 18, Poooooor Aggies 14. As I said in my season preview last week, Aggie fans are going to be missing Coach Fran pretty soon. Coach Sherm was a really bad hire, and it didn’t take very long for that to become manifest. The posting of the final score elicited one of the biggest cheers of the evening from the Texas crowd, and the Texas Cowboys’ firing of Old Smokey in tribute was hilarious.
• 98,053. The largest crowd to ever see a football game in Austin, in Texas, and in the Southwestern United States. Very cool.
• The stadium. Oh, my, this is pure greatness. DeLoss Dodds, everyone on the Athletics Council, everyone in the UT administrative heirarchy, and anyone else who had a role in planning and executing this new construction deserves a raise. It is everything we had hoped it would be and more. I just can’t say enough good things about it.
• Brian Orakpo just dominated that poor right tackle throughout the first half. He was only credited with 3 tackles on the night, but he disrupted things on his side of the field consistently.
• Ditto Lamar Houston, also credited with 3 tackles, but the guy was all over the damn field, showing speed and agility that defensive tackles just are not supposed to possess.
• Linebackers. Rod Muckelroy led the team with 6 tackles, and was nails in the run game. Norton displayed great athleticism and his blow up of a tunnel screen at the FAU 2 was one of the biggest hits of the night. Kindle had a recovered fumble and Bobino made a couple of big plays in pass coverage of all things. What a welcome change in this part of the Defense from last season.
• Playing tons of kids. One reason why no Longhorn defender was credited with more than 6 tackles on the evening was that coach Muschamp put 25 defensive players on the field. This is a very good thing. The overall athleticism of this defense is every bit as good as advertised.
• The defense surrendered a grand total of 124 yards of total offense in the final three quarters of the game. After a very uneasy, disorganized start, the secondary gave up exactly squat in the passing game in the second half. Coaching matters, folks, and Will Muschamp is already proving that old axiom.
• On the offensive side of the ball, Colt McCoy showed that when we give him time to make his reads and get rid of the ball, he is a very, very, very good college quarterback. He also demonstrated, yet again, to his detractors that he can be extremely effective running the ball. He’s not Vince Young, but then, neither is anyone else in the history of college football.
• Other than Colt, the running game was just OK. I won’t put it in the “Bad” category, but it was only borderline “Good”. I find it very disconcerting that we were unable to break any big plays at all with our tailbacks against this poor opponent. Vondrell ran tough and certainly did everything asked of him, and Ogbannaya looked quicker than previous years, but overall there just wasn’t all that much going on in this phase of the game. We can’t compete for the Big 12 title if Colt McCoy is going to be our leading rusher this season. I continue to believe we need Fozzy Whittaker to get well and step up here.
• Receivers and TEs were fine. Shipley stood out among the WRs, although Cosby and Williams also had nice nights, and Ogbannaya made one hell of a catch on a 3rd quarter wheel route out of the backfield. Blaine Irby demonstrated that we will be just fine at the TE position, making several very difficult grabs, and leading the team with 7 catches on the night.
• 7 touchdowns by 7 different players. Nice.
• On special teams, it was overall a very, very encouraging night. John Gold’s punts were consistently high and deep, and he might just be able to give us an edge in a field position game. Punt coverage was outstanding, kickoffs were outstanding, placekicking duties handled by Hunter Lawrence were outstanding. Hell, we even went back to actually making an effort to try to block punts after inexplicably taking last season off, and got one blocked. There’s not a whole lot more you can ask from your special teams.
• Offensive Player of the Game: Colt McCoy, obviously. He plays like this all year, and he’ll be getting some Heisman mention late in the season.
• Defensive Player of the Game: Rod Muckelroy.
• Special Teams Player of the Game: tie between John Gold and Justin Tucker. What can I say, I like looking at very high, very long kicks and punts.

Overall, this was just an extremely encouraging debut for the 2008 Texas Longhorns. Unlike last year’s opener against Arkansas State, the team was very well prepared to play, had significant fire in the belly, was superior to its opponent in every phase of the game, and just looked like a team that has potential to do big things as the year goes on.

Does the team have weaknesses? Sure. Are there things to work on in practice this week? You bet. Is our defense still very young and inexperienced overall? Uh-huh. Is that midseason run of games against Colorado, OU, Missouri, Oklahoma State and Tech still shaping up as a bit of a murderer’s row? Check.

All that is true, and more. But boy, these guys are talented. They just look like a leaner, better-conditioned and more motivated bunch than the 2007 team. The feel is just better.

I left that Arkansas State game last year knowing that that team was not going to accomplish anything of note. I left the stadium last night feeling like, for all the team’s inexperience and possible weaknesses, these kids and this coaching staff might just be able to surprise us all before the year is out.

What a great way to start the season.

Hook ‘em!!!