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Halloween Revelation

Much like Trips Right gibbering reverentially at La Virgin in a chalupa or Henry James spasming in ecstacy at a glimpse of Trotsky in an unshaven wench's armpit hair at ACL fest, I have had a revelation.

Witness what I just pulled off of Yahoo Sports brothers and sisters:

PGA TOUR Leaderboard Palm Coast, FL
Currently: 65° F
Ginn sur Mer Classic (Round 2)

PGA TOUR Shot Tracker | Full Leaderboard
Pos Name Today Thru Total
(+/- par)
1 Ryan Palmer -1 F -6
T2 Peter Lonard -3 F -5
T2 Ken Duke -3 F -5
T2 Robert Allenby -1 F -5
T2 Michael Letzig +2 F -5
T6 David Duval -3 F -4
T6 John Huston -2 F -4

What does it mean?

First, who frequents coastal Florida - aside from Jews, Haitians, and manatees? PIRATES Yarrr.

What does Ginn Sur Mer mean? It's filthy French talk and it means "Ginn By The Sea." Ted Ginn, star WR for Ohio State who did zilch against us in the 'Shoe in '05.

Who shut down Ted Ginn? A Texas cornerback

Where does Ginn play now? MIAMI

Where is the Orange Bowl? Uh huh.

Round 2? Second quarter. Or second half.

Ryan Palmer -6? Do I really need to spell this out for you?

So I trapped and killed a seagull lured with a little brie dipped in sourdough propped under a Bruno Magli shoebox. Then I ripped off its head with a Williams Sonoma wine opener being careful that its effluvia not stain my flawless Miata. I poured its blood on a burning picture of Derek Dorris clad in a bear suit (little know fact: Dorris is a Furry). I consulted my Honduran domestic (a mystical people skilled in magicks) and she agreed that this means that in the second quarter or second half Ryan Palmer will score a pick six or a Tech receiver will score six times on him. The latter seems almost impossible, but that is why miracles are unfathomable. Like age of consent laws for girls who mature early.

So that is awesome. Or completely terrible. I am so happy. Or disappointed.

I'll think about it some more.

You do the same.