A quick preview on the Big XII Tourney. This will not be Trips Right quality, but as he is traveling, it is all you effing get. If your pissed, send a self addressed stamped envelope to the address below, and we will send you your money back.
Barking Carnival, Inc.
Att: Sailor Ripley
4653 Fellate Hot Iron Ave
Austin, TX 78704
#8 Nebraska vs #9 Baylor
This is a replay of last Saturday's titillating 66-62 slugfest where Baylor spit the bit against an inferior opponent. That is all you are getting. Who honestly gives a flying !#$%%!$%$^? (Breathes in and out repeatedly. Don't write angry).
Prediction: Bad basketball. Everyone loses including and especially the viewer. 88-80 to the wacko fundamentalists. Have fun at the worst famous burger place in the world (Health Camp) afterwards, Bears Fans. Keep telling yourself that those four bars by the river are just like a mini Sixth St. Two Minnies is nice though.
#5 Texas vs #12 Colorado
We'll come back to this in a little bit. It feels like premature ejaculation putting it this soon. Just ask Henry James. He can tell you what I mean.
#7 Oklahoma State vs #10 Iowa State
OSU has won 6 out of its last 7 games. The Runnin' Cyclones have lost 5 out of its last 7 and 11 of 14. These are trends, and I am the Nostradamus of South Austin. Unless the vaunted ISU genetics department figures out a way to clone 5 Craig Brackens before tomorrow afternoon, I am takin' the Pokes and laying the points. Not to mention this is a quasi home game for OSU.
Real Prediction: 83-70 Oklahoma State
#6 Texas A&M vs #11 Texas Tech
The Aggies and the Sand Aggies have played two fairly close games that the Brazos Agriculturals have won. I'm betting that they were games largely controlled by A&M's front court and were closer in score than in actuality. If that sentence makes no sense, I meant that the Ags controlled the game. That is complete speculation because I would rather shove a jagged, frozen, Tommie Lee girth dildo up my own culo than watch these two go at it on the hardwood.
Prediction: Agriculturals 83-79. Voskuhl goes crazy to push the Ags, but Tech is really horrendous in most areas of the game. Hello, Billie Clyde Gillespie.
#5 Texas vs #12 Colorado
All right. I guess I didn't really need the build up because this will not be an interesting game. Here are some insights from Trips. Colorado is not good at basketball. They sling the Princeton motion on offense, and play hard on defense. But they do this with not very good players. We couldn't close them out in Boulder, but that was in Boulder where we play like dog feces. This is in Oklahoma City where everyone hates us, but I don't think that is a bad thing for this team. Our best half of basketball was against KU in Phog Allen, easily the most difficult venue the Horns have played in this year. I just hope it isn't close because we can't close out games for shit. If we lose, we deserve the NIT berth.
Prediction: Texas 85 - Colorado - 76
We will win this game unless Teniente Clemente goes all D-Wade on us again. I was at the last game and it was ridiculous. We were in our worst basketball stretch of the season at the time, and we are playing better now. Dexter almost fouled out their whole front line by himself. He is more of a threat now than at he was when we played him the first time. We are still a wholly mediocre team, but we do play excellent basketball in stretches.
I think two wins moves us to the 7 line in the Big Dance. We really need these two wins.