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UNC National Champions? Thank Dexter Pittman

According to the douchebags north of the Red River. Apparently, Sexy Dexy slapped the game out of Blake Griffin and set the basketball world on its collective ear by not allowing the Sooners their rightful place as a one seed.

F'ng Dexter Pittman and his dexterous pimp slaps that were stealthily delivered beyond the watchful eyes of cameras, officials, and fans alike. Only the cross-dressing Griffin and his ghoulish mother truly know the brutishness that is Dexter Pittman's ring finger and its willing accomplice, Doge Balbay's ulnar bone.

Somewhere, Mookie Blaylock is tipping his 40 in homage to creatine's favorite son, the hyper-concussed, glass-jawed Blake Griffin.