clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Golf is the new football

New, comments

I've never played a round of golf. I've never even played a hole of golf. I grew up literally two blocks from a public course, but I never set foot on it other than to fish and catch frogs in its pond. I don't watch golf either. I don't even read about golf.

But I do know that golf is not football. Not in Texas. Not ever.

So I'm reading a column by what I assume is some kid's toy airplane named Robert Cessna. It (he?) writes for AggieSports.com and poorly.

Now when you see shit like "It ended with Texas unable to win the national championship in baseball, even though it was seeded first and given a cakewalk to Omaha" and "The Texas football team had to settle for a Fiesta Bowl victory over Ohio State", you know you're in for a fight just to finish reading the article. But I soldiered on. Valiantly. Because that's what Billy Mays would have wanted.

The point of the article is to say that A&M's athletic program is close to being on par with the program at Texas. I think. How? Because their golf team is good.

Winning national championships in men’s golf and men’s track will end that. Think of all the golfers playing gin rummy in the state’s elite country clubs or just a few guys belting down a couple of beers after playing a public course, they’ll be talking about what the Aggies did.

Again, I've never played a round of golf so I don't know what people talk about after they play. But I do know what they don't talk about. College golf. How do I know this? Because no one fucking talks about college golf.

Men respect guys who can belt the golf ball 300 yards and win. That’s what the Aggies did.

Is that a long ways? Doesn't matter because the swing is controlled by physics. And not cool physics like Newton's second law but physics that Huckleberry would put on an Excel spreadsheet. He plays golf.

No matter what any golf prick tells you, golf isn't macho. And no matter what any Aggie sportswriter tells you, it isn't football.