clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

It's Baaaaaack!

New, comments

Sort of. Maybe. In other words, you might see the vaunted Wrecking Crew make a return to the gridiron this Fall. But nothing is guaranteed -- the Shermanator is just hoping it comes back.

Here is Fightin’ Texas Aggies Head Men’s American Football Coach Mike Sherman, attempting to be optimistic and relevant, against all odds:

The Wrecking Crew may or may not return this Fall.

Luckily for the Aggies, this clip can't be embedded but here is the transcript:

"You can’t just say that we’re going to be the Wrecking Crew …"

Accurate! Missing tackles and leaving guys 20 yards wide open in the secondary doesn’t qualify, even if you really want to call Von Miller the second coming of Quentin Coryatt. I guess you could call him that and some Aggies would fall for it and start buying his jersey again but the smarter ones would still call you crazy and take out their frustrations on livestock. Nobody wins.

"There were a lot of great players and coaches that were a part of that."

And none of them are on your roster or coaching staff, which is why the Wrecking Crew is disintegrating into fable. Load the next round into the chamber, SIR!

But along the same lines that’s a, a, a , part of our history that I hope to repeat ..."

... before my contract is bought out and Mr. Bill has to spend $9 million a year on its former coaches as contributions dwindle and the front office continues to hemorrhage money on bat shit prevention, bass fishing, archery, and golf. It HAS to come back! It MUST! Dat Nguyen, please call collect from Vietnam! Aaaaaahhhh ... shit, where were we? Can we just cut that part out and leave the first sentence about repeating history? Thanks.

"We want to be an aggressive, attacking style defense with players that are passionate about busted coverages playing football."

I want to dip myself in a vat of honey and have Megan Fox lick me dry, but that doesn’t mean it will happen. In fact, that has a better chance of happening then Texas A&M manufacturing a winning record this year. I've got some game. Aggies don't. Wagers?

megan fox</>
My money's on Vash.

"It doesn’t matter about what we say, it matters about what we do."

Like lose to Baylor.

Robert Griffin ain't gettin any slower ...

"We can get to where we want to get. I have no doubt we can recruit players that want to play at Texas A&M to come here."

Can you guarantee they won’t suck?

"And I have no doubt that I can coach them to be the best players they want to be"

But what if they like sucking? Maybe that’s why they came to A&M, to continue the tradition wrought by Dennis Franchione? After all, this is a school of traditions. Even their traditions have traditions.

"Bla bla bla … to the point where we’re not saying we’re the Wrecking Crew but our fans our saying we’re the Wrecking Crew."

You can just feel the conviction in his voice, can’t you? That is called a chuckle of confidence, where you just hope to dern heck that it turns out to be true. This vestige of 90's Aggie glory doesn't even deserve to be capitalized anymore.

Ye Aggies faithful, bangers of pots, drinkers of milk whole, wearers of jump suits white and overall gay, chanters of whoops, entertainers to all -- this is YOUR Texas A&M football coach, Mike Sherman.

And I’m so glad he’s not ours.

For the record, since they will ask -- this post took 28 minutes, 37 seconds of my precious time.

And I guarantee it will yield hours of pleasure thus keeping the mythical UT:A&M obsession ratio leaning healthily in our favor. More importantly, it keeps the hook set for an impetuous Aggie fanbase that has not feasted on the sweet bounty of a Big 12 Championship or legitimate bowl game since medieval times. The situation is plummeting into a Faber College level of standards, which is an insult to the best movie ever made.

"0.0, Ms. Murano ... Sherman, you're not far behind!"

Ramming speed, indeed.

Let's hear it, farmers. Here is where I shall attempt to defend myself with a 19th century musket ... while booking tickets online to Pasadena for next January.

One Man Wrecking Crew

Thoughts?