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Liveblogging Nebraska vs Missouri

Biggest game of the year in the Big 12 North.*

*Await angry Kansas fans barrage.

Open thread until then.

Aaaaaaaaand we're back. Missouri is the Show Me State. Nebraska is the Cornhusker state. That's enough background.

It's pouring. Like a cow pissing on a flat rock. I hope Erin Andrews is wearing white.

Derrick Washington was All Conference last year? God damn I hate the Big 12.

Was Jesse Palmer on 'The Bachelor' or 'Tool Academy?' I forget.

Missouri's opening drive stalls, and they punt.

2nd and 13 and Nebraska throws a five yard curl to the TE. The more things change...

Nebraska punts after picking up a first down. They lost three yards on a first down run, and threw two straight incompletions. That's what Missouri needs to do. Make Zac Lee beat them. Yeah, I could barely type that without laughing.

Palmer just said "Missouri is using super tempo. It's even faster than normal tempo." But then he adds some good commentary about Nebraska running a pattern zone defense.

Suh sacks Gabbert, and he fumbles. Gabbert looked like he hurt his ankle. Jimmy Costello is warming up on the sidelines.

Nebraska calls a pass on 2nd and 5. They get their head out and run it for the first on the next play. They're screwing themselves in search of the elusive 'balance.' Missouri sacks Lee who recovers his own fumble.

Nebraska is averaging six yards per carry, but they've decided they would rather average 4.3 yds per pass. Did I mention the holding, personal foul and sack on their six pass plays?

Erin Andrews is bundled up like she's in her hotel room.

Gabbert is back out, but he's moving around like a sick cat. Nebraska forces a three and out.

Nebraska promptly gives it right back on the punt.

Palmer made a good observation earlier that the QBs need to 'aim for the numbers.' Tough to catch with your hands. Missouri gets a hold, incompletion and sack. And the first quarter mercifully comes to an end.

This game is unbloggable unwatchable.

Nebraska fucks up again on special teams and gives Missouri a layup. 2-0.

Nebraska jumps a route but drops the int. Easy to jump routes when they're only throwing within 10 yards of the LOS. Three and out.

Missouri's punter is Jake Harry IV. Punting is considered a noble profession by the Harrys. Nebraska's punt teams are full of fail.

Nebraska calls three straight passes. Nebraska punts. Roy Helu hasn't touched the ball on the last two Nebraska drives.

This is like watching two peewee teams. No one can throw, and all the action is within 5 yards of the LOS.

Has there ever been a 2-0 game?

Sean Weatherspoon gets a personal foul penalty. But they at least finally called his name.

Jesse Palmer is growing on me. Dude is adding some good stuff because I have learned nothing about either team by watching them.

Missouri calls an option play with a hobbling Gabbert. He then completes the longest pass of the night off his back foot. But of course the drive stalls.

Nebraska is content o get one first down and run out the clock. And their special teams let them down yet again as Missouri gets a big return. Missouri gives them 15 yards back with a personal foul.

With 30 seconds left on 3rd and 10, Nebraska allows a long pass inside the 10. Wow.

1st and goal at the six. Incomplete pass.

2nd and goal. Three yard run.

3rd and goal. Another run to the two.

4th and goal. Gabbert keeps it and scores. Under review. Looked like a touchdown.

Quick review. Touchdown.

Halftime. Missouri 9 Nebraska 0.

I'll be damned if I blog the second half of this abortion. But keep those comments coming!