It's Texas/OU week, which means it's Barking Carnival's turn to invite the masses to grab a seat at our dysfunctional family's RoundTable.
This week's missive from mgoblog.com's esteemed Brian Cook arrived on a parchment that cyphered Michigan punter Zoltan Mesko's name in a Holtzian anagram.
What are we supposed to do?! How do you solve a Slavic riddle denatured in geriatric spittle? Before sunrise!?
While our crack staff of gridiron seers tends to this quest, we have already ruled out a few possibilities of what it does not ask:
Why does Bob Stoops care so much about the health and well-being of his players? And when did he stop caring about winning?
The Sooner's top WR Ryan Broyles is rumored to be available for this week's big game just two weeks removed from a fractured scapula, which is that chicken wing thing on your back that would hurt like a motherfucker if it were still technically broken and Earl Thomas tackled you. Sooner staff: Just nut up and take some magic jelly beans.
In which of the next four years does Matt Barkley not win the Heisman?
We could only come up with two.
Is there a scenario where Florida and Alabama are the only two ranked teams at the end of the season?
Yes, but only in Bristol, CT.
Why wasn't Tim Tebow eligible for The Nobel Prize?
The Magic 8 Ball spontaneously combusted when pondering this question.
So we can rule out those, but here are a few more we'd love to hear your thoughts on:
1. Mack Brown has won three out of the last four games in Dallas against OU. Meanwhile, Bob Stoops continues to pile up Big 12 trophies like NCAA inquiries. With the presumption that Mack will hang up his concho belt in the next two years in deference to the undeniable coaching force that is Will Muschamp, how does this year's Texas/OU game define Mack Brown's legacy? Texas wins and it's likely Pasadena bound. A loss would likely cement this depressing statistic: a 7th conference championships for OU vs one in 12 years under Mack Brown, which was delivered by some guy named Vince Young.
2. Flipping the lens, does another OU loss -- 4/5 to Texas, 0/5 in the last five BCS bowls -- permanently establish Big Game Bob as an overrated, overpaid coach disguised as an asshole? At least sweater vest is an all around nice guy. I just feel sorry for Tressel when he comes up short in big games. When Stoops does it I cackle in a spasmatic fit of primeval laughter. So the natives are getting restless in Norman, and by natives I mean the people that stole the land from the natives that actually lived there. Who neeeds to win a big game more: Bob Stoops, Jim Tressel, or Mark Richt?
3. Pick the game that glistens like no other on your remaining schedule. Why does it shine for thee? What portent does it hold at the seat of your BCS or Brut Sun Bowl altar?
4. NC State lost to Duke. Okie State lost to Houston who lost to UTEP who scored more points against the Cougars (55) than it gained in yards against Texas (51). Virginia lost to William & Mary. Not the school but to two motivated kids named William and Mary. USC lost to Washington. I only bring this up as a reminder because USC losses tend to fade from the voting conscious faster than a fresh set of downs for an LSU quarterback. (Which leads to another riddle: Does one become concussed in the mere presence of Tebow?) Vandy just lost to Army. The point is: Big upsets are hard to predict. Riddle us yours for the month of October.
5. In a top-heavy year where many of the favorites immolated themselves from national title contention early on, two teams now loom larger than the rest: Florida and Alabama. Assuming they face off in the SEC Championship game and the supremacy of their defenses continues to shroud their offenses in a cloak of 13-10 wizardry, and no other team seems quite as worthy by comparison (this is the SEC after all), should they get a chance to play again in January for a national championship? If not, what undefeated or 1-loss team would have the best positioning?
And would the Sooners really be out of it with three losses?