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Sooner Sundry

crocs n plaid, bitches

It must be October in Dallas...

This one was a little different. Walking the fairgrounds before and after the game there was hardly one inbred insult, nary a one physical challenge from Sooner Nation. Such is the nature of the wounded animal with no weapons left at his disposal, regardless of what Bob Stoops spouts to the press. But there is something about an amicable Sooner I just don’t trust, not that I miss the degenerate shouts of "63-14!! Texass syyuucks!!" from earlier in the decade. In fact, their meek demeanor and collective silence (except when posing for ABC cameras) shows just how quickly the tables have turned in this rivalry. The only fight on the books in the Cotton Bowl on Saturday was between two chicks fighting over HenryJames in the bathroom line. He’s playing Wes Anderson on a cell phone camera, invisible to his subjects in true documentary style!

Temps in the low 70’s attracted hordes of locals to the state fair, which was great for the atmosphere but it rendered public transportation to the game as effective as our red zone offense -- stalled for about 90 minutes. Post-game TV coverage was dominated by DART officials looking as clueless as Greg Davis at halftime. Food and beer lines were impenetrable unless you were wearing a Marquise Goodwin jersey, which is not yet available for sale. That is unless you knew about the secret beer vendor in the Exhibit Hall just in between the Cuisinart non-stick demonstration and the laser teeth whitening booth. No Okies were in that line as they'd been confused by the concept of denture plurality. We eyeballed a nice red handheld sewing machine that seemed a fitting gift for Bob Stoops. You know, for halfime adjustments.

"Stitch up Sam for the second half, Schmitty!"

Each trip inside the Exhibit Hall for another round of wax cup beer offered an encounter with a new treasure of commerce that would thankfully never be ours to cherish. Reality TV will someday learn of this odd spectacle of kitschy ware hawking where spontaneous credit card swipes, leg-thumping massage chairs, crimson & cream shaggies, and one miraculously empty beer line ruled the day. We had visions of Scipio volunteering here after being forced into early retirement from a cortical synapse overload (Doperbo’s theory, anway) after which he completely denies any interest in the sport of college football. "But wait!! Check out our monogrammed ping pong ball fetcher! It’s a salubrious tribute to Maoist cultural indifference! Two for one special you parsimonious misanthropes!!"

So that’s the Exhibit Hall.

Along with Trips Right and his band of merry pranksters we took shade, drank beer, and pondered the four hour melee that was the 2009 Texas OU game. Every time the malaise of our predictably inept offense would return, the realization that we have a crystal caliber defense and special teams always cheered our spirits and sparked new discussion, ensuring that the sun always rises over the house Greg Davis built. Then buildings would melt, Big Tex would suddenly point at us in a billowing fit of laughter, and Timothy Leary would fly across the sky in the Sooner Schooner being chased by Earl Thomas aboard an At-At from Star Wars; wholly powered by a composite of ethanol, fried butter, and Greg Davis’ soiled underwear from Red River games past.

Did I mention it was a strange day?

A lot has changed for the positive since the 12-0 debacle in 2004, but we’re only about 2/3 of the way towards our Ultimate Master Plan under the future regime of Herr Muschamp. I’m curious to see what Major Applewhite would do with our offense given unfettered play-calling and scheme responsibilities. Major and Will would have efficient, productive meetings featuring precise, proven schemes with connotations of multiplicity! misdirection! and undefeatedness! When two dominant visors forces join together, what can really stop them?

Clearly not Bob Stoops. Although, if you listened to his media press conference on Wednesday you’d think OU was still in the driver’s seat.

"We've only lost one Big 12 game. I know a lot was said going into our game last week that Texas had won three of the last four matchups of ours, but we had won three of the last four Big 12 championships," Stoops said.

For Bob’s flight of fancy to actually occur, the Sooners would have to win out and Texas would have to lose at least two conference games. Good luck with that. Expect the blind pandering to continue after OU’s fourth loss -- the guy just doesn’t know any other way. In Norman, they’re stunned. They’re pissed. He’s Bob Stoops.


Now THAT is self assessment!

The ace handicapper in our midst, Trips Right, clearly lives in a shadow realm. He’s 18-5 in the last four weeks. And you?

If you like to throw a little cash around on college football and you’re not onboard the Barking Bets gravy train then you’re a Dr. Bob-touting fag. If this success continues, Sailor will inevitably start charging for it so cash in now and click some ads over at Fading Las Vegas.

Trips Right calling in his picks. We are not worthy.