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jones Top Ten - Week Eleven - 2009

The photographer arrived early. Team picture day for four-year-olds presents a degree of difficulty somewhere between landing a triple salchow and performing open-heart surgery on a Meerkat. Irish weddings are easier to choreograph. We have the 8:10 slot, which means we start promptly at 8:37. I have already dropped Son One off for an 8:00 basketball game. Son Two hit the soccer field at 8:30 and I coach Son Three’s kinderhoops game at 9:00.The home team boys play on TV at 11:00 and they are nice enough to drop a 40-point first-half shutout on the opposition, which assuages any guilt I might have about Son Three’s 12:45 basketball practice. I could quit doing this to myself, quit coaching all my son’s basketball teams, that is, but it is not my nature, as the scorpion would say.

I gave very little to college football on Saturday. It gave very little back. I actually fell asleep after Florida took a 14-7 lead on South Carolina and then forced a Gamecock fumble at midfield. Game, set, match? Not exactly, this one turned into the best game of the day. The Gamecocks’ defense held (and held and held). They only trailed 17-14 in the fourth, driving for potentially the winning score, before a great pick and return by Gator Justin Trattou ended the threat. Florida 24, South Carolina 14. And that was about it on the excitement meter.

Oh, I guess Ohio State not routing Iowa made the day a little brighter. The Buckeyes took a 24-10 lead into the fourth on the Hawkeyes when Ricky Stanzi apparently sprinkled some magic dust on his replacement, James Vandenburg, but the medicine ran out in overtime, where Ohio State prevailed 27-24.

Stanford worked over USC pretty good, hanging 55 points on a completely overmatched Trojan defense in the coliseum, of all places. Nerds 55, Spoiled Children 21. Speaking of nerds, Berkeley got off the mat and threw a wrench in Arizona’s special season with a 24-16 win. Oregon remained on the Rose Bowl inside track with a late 44-21 throttling of ASU.

TCU does not mind the bright lights one bit. Looking every inch the contender, the Horned Frogs hosted Game Day and absolutely annihilated Utah, 55-28.

And then there was…

Alabama bludgeoned Mississippi State, 31-3.

Hey, good to see you!

Boise State destroyed Idaho, 63-25.

Oh, we’re great. Yes, everyone is enjoying the new school year.

Georgia Tech whipped Duke, 49-10.

No, no, Charlie’s the youngest. Ben started kindergarten.

North Carolina, finally playing up to their potential, took down Miami, 33-24.

Thanks, I would like another beer. Great chicken, what’s the marinade again?

Penn State shrugged off Indiana, 31-20.

Yeah, San Diego’s great. Took the wife and kids this summer, love the Del Coronado.

Pittsburgh continued to disappoint the subway alumni with a 27-22 win over Notre Dame. Michigan fans are no happier after a 45-24 beatdown from Wisky.

Geez, look at the time.

LSU sleepwalked over La Tech, 24-16. BYU was even sleepier beating a horrendous New Mexico, 24-19.

Speaking of sleep, I really have got a lot on my plate tomorrow.

Central Florida "upset" Houston, 37-32, although I am not sure Houston is exceptionally better than UCF.

Well, of course, I’d love to stay, but we really need to be up early…

Oklahoma State over Texas Tech, 24-17.

Man does that guy ever shut up????

Virginia Tech crushed Maryland, 36-9 and Clemson did the same to NC State, 43-23.


I am now thoroughly bored and completely out of clever verbs to describe how one team scored more points than another team on the football field. I crave autumnal excitement. Right now, it is nowhere to be seen. Spoiled? Probably, but I wait all year for college football season to start. November has got to be better than this.

Cincinnati and West Virginia did manage to squeeze in a thriller on Friday night, with the Bearcats remaining undefeated after a 24-21 comeback engineered by the return of Tony Pike. That game was a damn sight better than the Thursday rout: Rutgers 31, South Florida 0. Huh?

Impressive Showing of the Week: Either the organic Guatemalan coffee I drank Saturday morning or TCU, I can’t decide.

1. Texas

2. Alabama

3. Florida

4. Dan Jenkins’ Rich Fantasy Life

5. Cincinnati

6. Carnegie-Mellon

7. Stanford, I mean Georgia Tech, of course

8. Ohio State (God help me)

9. Really LSU?

10. Boise (Expletive Deleted) State