clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Colt McCoy: Smarter Than An Apostle, Dumber Than An Okie

New, 48 comments

The Wonderlic scores have been leaked and when something like this happens, I pretty much always blame the British and Germans.

Yes, the Zimmerman Telegram still burns in my memory.

I suppose you'd forgotten?

Anyway, what the Wonderlic definitively proves is an individual's intelligence. There is no other method more respected the world over for its ability to clearly define analytical skills, raw intellect, accumulated wisdom, and cognitive sophistication. I know this because I took a simulation Wonderlic on ESPN and I absolutely rocked it.

The highest score ever recorded was Stephen Hawking's 53. I suppose he needed every bit of those smarts to make up for his shitty range at free safety. Thanks, Blake Hawking.

Anyway, the notable QB results are:

Sam Bradford - 36
Colt McCoy - 25 *
Jimmy Clausen - 23
Tim Tebow - 22

* played for Texas

I don't mind that Colt was outperformed by a cross-eyed Apache. Bradford is a good guy. Even a place as accursed as OU is awarded one Bradford for every Bomar, Gundy, and Thompson.

I am also pleased that Colt took down Jersey Shore's own Jimmy Clausen. That message will resonate at the club.

The real conclusion that we can draw from these results is theological.

Namely, The Lord favors the milder, humbler brand of Aww Shucks evangelism espoused by McCoy and Bradford over the self-promoting in-your-face apocalyptic fundamentalism espoused by Tebow. Tebow's insatiable public ministry and public relations show "hath made himself a graven image and the Lord did smite him with a brain cloud (Scipio, 5:12)."

Make no mistake, the Wonderlic is not just a measure of intelligence (indeed, the only one that is credible) but, in this instance, it is also a measure of God's favor. Tebow must now wander in the NFL desert for seven years as a H-back to regain it.