Let's go through this line by line.
RENTON, Wash. -- Pete Carroll believes that the NCAA had no basis for sanctions on the Southern California football program and reiterated Tuesday that he didn't leave to escape the penalties.
The Mexican Zetas are misunderstood capitalists.
The former Trojans coach expects USC's pending appeal of NCAA sanctions to produce transcripts that show that the governing body for college sports had no basis for its "really, really harsh" bowl ban and scholarship cuts.
Is it too late to issue refunds? I mean, Suge Knight hasn't killed anyone yet, so no harm no foul right?
Carroll answered questions for the first time since the NCAA came down hard on USC, mainly for improper benefits that former star rusher Reggie Bush received during Carroll's tenure.
I mean come on. Real Estate prices in Southern California are reasonable and the Bush's are tremendous negotiators. Twenty percent reverse amortization mortgage, holla!
The new coach of the Seahawks said that he was "responsible" as USC's head coach but that there was no way for him to know Bush was being wooed by an off-campus agent.
No fucking shit, Pete?! It's hard enough to keep track of the on campus agents, huh bruh? Will Lyles, well known agent, representative, influencer helped coach in drills at your camp.
Carroll said the NCAA's bowl ban and scholarship cuts are unfair to the current Trojans who had nothing to do with the case.
Occam's Razor tells me exactly the opposite. When you're 3 deep at virtually every position with five star talent for a decade after being an also-ran for years on end, it stands to reason that Reggie Bush isn't an isolated incident and the kids and coaches still on campus were involved or at least complicit with shenanigans.
It's also unfair to the opposition who happened to be harmed by the semi-professional deal you had going on in SoCal. The PAC 10, Oklahoma Sooners, and Vince Young were all victims. How would you suggest the NCAA make them whole?
He called rules allowing players to leave a potentially devastating "fire sale" for the program.
That's a pretty douchey thing to say considering you just bailed on all those kids you recruited to campus. Perhaps you should go back and coach the Trojans for free instead of stashing cash in Seattle if you feel so badly about it.
He wants the NCAA and high schools to help in a grassroots effort to keep outsiders away from college athletes.
Umm, you had your chance to do exactly that and you did exactly the opposite.
Somewhere there's a lone Trojan Cheerleader jumping for joy, and as inappropriate as her celebration was in the Rose Bowl after Vince Young crossed the goalline, she's still far more credible than Pete Carrol.
Sorry Pete. You get a no-pete.