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Georgia Red Panties & Semi-Bribes: Muschamp Watch Goes Hypervigilant

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Georgia's AD is officially out and that has ramifications for Texas and our succession plans.

It wasn't just that former Georgia AD Damon Evans was convicted of a DUI, it was also the embarrassing circumstances surrounding the arrest. He provides an excellent example of how not to be caught driving when plowed.

Some learning points, Carnivalers:

1. As a married father of two, don't be pulled over with a female passenger who is not your wife. Particularly one named Courtney. She should also not declare to the officer that you've "been dating for a week."

2. It is best not to have Courtney's red panties sitting on your lap.

3. Do not offer a bribe to the officer by proposing that you're not offering a bribe. Your rhetorical ironic proposition offers no cover.

4. Do not allow Courtney to be so obnoxious that the officer arrests her for disorderly conduct.

5. Do not air a pre-game communique before every home game proclaiming drunken driving to be unacceptable; and that "If you drink and drive, you lose."

Here is what you should do:

1. As you're being pulled over, Courtney will start to wail. Fix Courtney with a withering glare. Then say these words: "Bitch, be cool. Not a goddamn peep or I cut up your Discover card."

2. Deftly place red panties in center console.

3. "Hello officer, my niece and I are just returning from Twilight III. You Team Edward?"

4. "Slurring words? Benadryl. I'm allergic to peach blossoms. Or are you suggesting that I'm slurring words because I'm black? Kidding. Kidding! Just putting that out there. For the jury."

5. "Yes, I'm the Georgia AD. Perhaps you've seen my pre-game talk titled Forgive And Forget: We All Make Mistakes And Christ Teaches Forgiveness Is Love And Let's Not Get Caught Up On Judging Others Because Who Among Us Is Without Sin?"

As I wrote in assessing our external threats in May, when you have Top 10 jobs, the primary issue is timelines, not program differentiation.

Texas is a better job than either LSU or Georgia, but both LSU and Georgia are Top 10 college football jobs. That’ll do if your goal is to become a legend and win national championships. The difference between the 8th best situation in the country and 1st or 2nd is essentially irrelevant if you want the future now.

And yes, my hubris is such that I am now quoting MYSELF. Basic point: offering that Texas is a better gig than UGA is essentially irrelevant once you cross a certain threshold of program quality. You can recruit there, you can win there, it's a good gig. Better than the Tennessee job Muschamp barely passed on.

There are some who believe that a new AD could actually be good for Richt's job security, but I don't buy it.

Bottom line: become a Georgia Bulldog fan. If only for the red panties.