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Big 12 Media Day: Mike Sherman

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When will that Mike Sherman picture get played out?

When it stops making me laugh. And that means never.

Unfortunately, Mike Sherman is a pretty good guy. It's more fun when the Aggies are coached by a boil on humanity like Jackie Sherrill, so I can really get the hate on, but Sherm is a kindly avuncular sort: a man you can picture napping amiably on a lawn chair, being trod upon by squirrels, a melting popsicle clutched in his paw.

And that's just his recruiting in-home visits.

Nowadays, I have to go to Bill Byrne when I want to drink deep from the crazy Aggie well.

I mentioned that Sherman is a good guy and I mean it, but he's a tedious sonofabitch. Ask him a simple question and you're going to get seventeen paragraphs out of him.

My vision of hell is having to continuously ask road directions from Mike Sherman and Craig Way.

REPORTER: With Nebraska leaving, there's sort of a void at the top in terms of marquee flagship programs in the Big 12. How close is A&M to stepping into that void and becoming what A&M football used to be?

Awesome question. Or another way of putting it: Nebraska has been a virtual non-entity for the last five years. Is Texas A&M prepared to fill those shoes?

Well, certainly in our fan base, our former students dream of the days of the mid-'80s and '90s where we were that marquee type of team.

No. No. No. This is a common Aggie belief and reveals the inherent danger of a school measuring all things by Texas. Because when Texas is bad, the measure loses all meaning. In fact, it implies an inherent assumption that Texas will always be better. Which presumably Aggies should not like.

A&M wasn't a marquee team. A&M was a big fish in a small pond. A regional bully. When they played the real marquee programs of that time, they lost. The SWC was a decayed ball of suck.

A marquee doesn't have 15 names on it. It has 2-3. You weren't on that sign. Neither were we.

Unless Sherman was referring to Biz Markie.

I think the Big 12 needs A&M to step up to the plate, to answer your question, and be that type of team. We're ready to accept that challenge.

Amen. As it stands now, this league is a big shit sandwich. Am I the only person who will say this? Or have we all decided to endorse the lie that playing in the Big 12 is going to be fun in 2011 because we get more TV money we don't need?

Switching gears...

I think the biggest challenge a quarterback has coming back, not only a quarterback but his coach, is that we don't clutter his mind and he doesn't clutter his mind with too much stuff and not allowing him to be the quarterback that he's able to be. Because he's so dang smart, there's a tendency to put a lot on him, and eventually it becomes stagnant, and he becomes unable to do the things that he's been gifted to do.

I like this point and I'm actually working on a piece about this for FanTake.com. There is no doubt that intelligence can cripple athletic performance.

He's always looking for clues; that he doesn't see ghosts out there that are going to make him see something that's not there. Because he's so dang bright about things, sometimes he can see things or anticipate things that aren't happening.

Oh my God. Jerrod Johnson has a poltergeist! Or he is experiencing psychotic episodes. Barbara Hershey in The Entity, IMO.

He has to let the system work for him instead of him work the system.

I love when Sherman talks in 1970s EST cliche terminology mixed with stuff from AA, Jenny Craig, and The Secret.

You working the system, turkey! Like the suckers! The squares, man. Like the pigs. Let's get our head space together, Jerrod! Let's get real or real will get you. Dig? System work you, baby. You a Capricorn, baby, you can do this. Tighten up.

In order for us to be successful on offense, the offensive line has to click.

Very true.

I anticipate with six incoming freshmen on the offensive line, at least three of those guys will be either playing or starting for us at some time.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

Even though they lack experience, it's more fun than working with someone who's not quite as talented that has the experience.

This is also true for women.

Luke Joeckel came out of spring football as a guy that held down his position at left tackle and did a fine job for us.

So don't heckle Luke Joeckel.

Sherman starts talking about the A&M defense and I actually laughed out loud at his phrasing...

You know, when I first took the job at A&M, I had hired Reggie Herring, who was at Arkansas at the time, to come in and put the three-four defense in. Reggie, before spring ball, went to the Dallas Cowboys as their linebacker coach.

The best coach I could find at that time-- and one of the best coaches, assistant coordinators in college football is Joe Kines.

The best coach I could find at the time -

Why did you marry Sue? Well, it was midnight, the wife I wanted left me, I was at Wal-Mart, I had put on seventy pounds, she was the best wife I could find at the time - sigh - (snaps back into recognition that he's at a press conference).... but she's wonderful!

He has a bold reputation.

I knooooow you've got a bold reputation. And it isn't just talk, talk, talk.

Joe Kines - BOLD REPUTATION. Don't you dare dare Joe Kines to climb the Bryan water tower in a singlet.

I wanted to get back to a three-four defense because I think we can recruit to that structure. A&M has a history in the three-four defense.

This is actually a great move for A&M and a smart one in terms of recruiting. It's a way to recruit good players to a system while avoiding head-to-head battles with Texas and OU.

So ends our time with our agrarian cousins.

If you didn't like it, Highway 6 runs both ways, sips.

WhOOOOoooooP!