Mack Brown's ESPN charm offensive started early and it never relented. Similar to the Mike Sherman guest host spot during the Lawrence Welk marathon on College Station Public Access television back in May.
Except Brown didn't nap on camera and gorge himself on eclairs.
Mack also knew the names of every person he spoke with, the names and birthdays of their children, and took it upon himself to buy each of them tasteful gifts in anticipation of their birthdays.
Mike And Mike
I've never understood why a simulcast of a radio show is believed to be good television, but here's four hours of it.
Mike Greenberg has well-conditioned hair. Pantene.
Mike Golic likes to state obvious things emphatically.
They backload Mack Brown for the last half hour of their four hour show so they can punish me with major league baseball talk.
Apparently teams that pitch well, field, and can hit for power will be successful in baseball. FYI.
Mack is here! He is wearing a loungy Burnt Orange sweatsuit. Mack praises our handling of the conference realignments, citing his desire to keep old SWC rivalries. Brown was absolutely convinced we were going to the Pac 10. He found out about our decision to stay in the Big 12 minutes before the formal announcement. Mack mentions that only 19 of 128 schools made money last year in football.
Agents. Mack demonstrates more sophistication in discussing the agent situation than any of the SEC coaches or most of the media I've heard. He mentions that there are as many coaches who cheat as there are agents and the minority stains the majority. Hmmm. Also, any kid who claims they didn't know something was an offense is being disingenuous. The rules are drilled into them from the start. Brown knows who the bent agents are because the kids inform him. Runners are approaching our players as early as their freshman and sophomore years. Whether fairly or not, coaches are ultimately responsible for their program and have to own the results, just as you have to own what your own kids do.
Mack then heaps praise on Roger Goodell ("a man of integrity") and the NFL. Mack manages to come off as a guy in total control of his program, but burns no bridges with the NFL and agents. Brilliant.
To get to Mack, I have to endure the diminutive Scoop Jackson and oily Skip Bayless. Bayless offers that TO now stands for Too Old! Get it? At one point he breaks into an embarrassing speech pattern reminiscent of a black preacher to emphasize a point. I get embarrassed when old white men jive, even when it's not my fault.
Scoop Jackson - whose legs do not touch the bottom of his stool - offers that Tom Brady is overrated. Also overrated? Clean drinking water. Antibiotics. The wheel. Jackson mentions that if the St Louis Rams win two games next year instead of one, that's doubling last year's win total!
Thank God, it's Mack Brown. He now sports a burnt orange polo, part of the Longhorn seasonal collection.
ESPN guy proceeds to read same index card from previous interview...
Agent question. Mack reiterates his answer and adds that we spend several days a year training parents and athletes on agents. Again - interestingly - mentions that there are crooked agents AND coaches. A subtle dig.
Realignment. Jesus, these ESPN guys are mailing it in.
Asks about Case McCoy. Mack calls him a winner, similar to Colt. Guaranteeing that I have to read "Mack thinks Case is as good as Colt" takes on the bulletin boards for the next four years.
Ask about Sergio Kindle. Mack mentions that buildings have a history of attacking Sergio unfairly.
Vince Young and Heisman. Now we're getting somewhere. Mack says "if at some point Reggie is no longer the Heisman winner, Vince Young and Texas would be very happy to receive the trophy." Interesting. Looks like Mack changed Vince's mind. I can't wait to see Vince Young join Ricky Williams and Earl Campbell on our Jumbotron pre-game as they transform Longhorn minotaurs into football players with Heisman electricity.
The Herd With Colin Cowherd
What's more compelling than a four hour morning radio simulcast? A three hour radio simulcast.
Colin Cowherd sucks up to Brown from the beginning mentioning he just had the best conversation with a college coach he's ever had.
Asks about transfers, deviating from the ESPN question script. Nicely done, Colin. Brown nails it. I treat our players like my own children. If they're not happy here, it's my job to find them the best place. These are people's lives and it's bigger than the program.
Asks him about Kiffin. Mack relates it to Muschamp, mentioning that he can leave at any time if he so chooses. We don't do buy-outs. The insinuation being: you can't upgrade over Texas.
Asks about realignment, but in terms of long-term viability. Mack mentions that this is the best fit for now. He has a very realistic understanding of what the current Big 12 is.
Cowherd asks about USC probation. What would you do if you saw your player in a nice car? Mack's answer is incredible. We have a bill of sale and a contract on record for every car owned by our players. If we see something out of line, we're having an immediate conversation. Not quite Pete Carroll's stance, is it?
Brown mentions this is a really happy time in his life. He's healthy, he likes the kids in the program right now, his kids are married, and he feels secure. He looks it.
Cowherd asked original questions and the old questions were covered with an interesting twist. Say what you will about Cowherd, but there's a brain and some curiosity about the world there.
Oh, look. An agent question. ##@#%$^%&%$#. Mack nails it again. He'd be a great White House Press Secretary.
Realignment question again. Mack expresses sadness that Nebraska and Colorado are leaving, particularly the Huskers.
Playoffs. An original question. Mack wants them. Let's rate the best 8 and get it on. Absolutely.
Asks about Vince Young and his nightclub fight...
GREATEST ANSWER EVER.
Mack talks to Vince Young weekly. The "so-called brawl." Well, a guy did a Horns down to him. You just shouldn't do that. Mack's body language and expression says - Vince Young was put on earth to smite bitches. If you don't want to get smited, don't be a bitch around him.
About sums it up.
Scott Van Pelt and College Football Live yet to come for Mack Attack....