Hey, look everyone. Bill Snyder is alive. I poked him with a stick and he's stirring.
What?
I'm not even on your lawn, Coach Snyder.
Snyder begins the Big 12 media event in his own inimitable style.
HOST: Coach, you want to make an opening statement? You generally don't, but if you choose to do so, we'd love to have you do it.
COACH SNYDER: I don't. Welcome to all of you. We appreciate having you here. I'm about to lose my voice.
I make my statements on the field. And I've already uttered three sentences and find that you people exhaust me.
Snyder is asked about the defense...
Well, we have a young man with us today, Tysyn Hartman, who's gone through some injuries...
Whoa, there. Wait. You know who should go through some injuries? The father that names his son Tysyn.
I'll bet you $20 he has a sister named Jzmynne and a brother named Jaysyn.
You don't get to laugh if your kids are named Ainsley or Aiden.
More on Myke Tysyn...
I was pleased with him being back on the practice field and pleased with the progress that he made during the course of the spring, and he's a transformed quarterback/safety. That's maybe a little easier transition than a lot of people might think, but still a difficult one.
A transformed quarterback/safety. Difficult transition. Is this code? Was he born again? A transgender? A position switch? WHO CAN CRACK THIS RURAL KANSAS SLANG OF PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION?
On agents...
We put together a panel, myself, a member of athletic department, and someone from appropriate fields, business fields, law fields, to meet with prospective agents that youngsters might be interested in so their families can come to campus and sit down and, quote/unquote, interview prospective representatives.
Snyder just said "quote/unquote" which I just put quote marks around. That means the word "unquote" is being quoted. So in a sense, I am DEFYING THE GREAT BILL SNYDER.
Also, I hate when people say quote/unquote. They make the quote signs in the air and often drive Saabs.
Winner of the Worst Question Award goes to:
Coach, I was wondering if you could just talk about the quarterbacks really quick and then also, although Daniel is going to face a lot of defenses, I was wondering if you could also talk about the wide receivers and the capacity they could serve this offense this season.
Let's break this statement/question/non-sequitur/musing into its component parts:
1. I wonder if you can talk about quarterbacks? But be really quick! I am timing you.
2. Daniel is referring to Daniel Thomas, K-State's star RB and "although he's going to face a lot of defenses" I was wondering if you could still talk about wide receivers. (If he faces no defenses, or just a few, you don't have to talk about wide receivers)
3. Finally, what do wide receivers do in an offense?
Snyder's response is excellent:
1. Well, the quarterback situation that you ask about -- I know you know the answer already.
2. Huh?
3. I think somebody told me the other day that we returned five catches outside of Daniel at the wide receiver position. I don't know if that's accurate or not, but someone shared that with me.
Number 1 one made me chuckle. Number 3 made me laugh. Someone told me that Myke Tysyn killed a drifter in Reno. I don't know if that's accurate or not, but someone shared it with me.
Next worst question of the press conference...
Just wondering, I know you've done a lot of junior college recruiting over the years. How much have you done in Mississippi vis-a-vis Daniel Thomas, and did he have any transition issues going from the South to the Midwest?
Well, he's recruited Daniel Thomas exactly once vis-a-vis Mississippi, reporter.
And however did young Daniel Thomas adjust from backwards Mississippi to the glitz of rural Western Kansas? Did he find the bright lights of Greater Wichita intimidating?
The persistent reporter continues to babble about Mississippi JUCOS and Snyder redirects...
We have quite a few community colleges, football-playing community colleges in the state of Kansas as well.
For example: Kansas State.
Burn!