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Big 12 Media Day: Gary Pinkel

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Gary Pinkel. 3rd Most Golf Prickiest coach in the league and gunning for #2 once T Boone gets tired of cleaning out the shitbird cage.

A man I once saw wearing a visor in a dome.

Holly Anderson at EDSBS has an interesting theory on The Pinkel Equation.

Pinkel comes from the Mastery of the Obvious rhetorical coaching tree, a large and robust branch created by a cross pollination of Lou Holtz spitting ash and Jim Tressel sweaterbirch. They believe that playing good football is the way to win games and bad football often loses them. And they won't apologize to anyone for holding those views.

Let's get Pinkeled.

On Blaine Gabbert...

Well, I think he did a tremendous job last year. We all know he had an injury. With the decision and the input of our medical staff, he said he could play, and he played, and he battled through that.

A quick follow-up question, Coach Pinkel.

Given that Blaine Gabbert had a debilitating ankle injury for most of last season and was visibly limping in half of your games - WHY DID YOU KEEP RUNNING HIM ON QB DRAWS AND OPTION PLAYS?

On Missouri's conditioning program...

We have a lady that works in our player development area that just deals with nutrition. That's one of her areas.

We also have a guy that calls plays for us. And another that calls the defenses. There's another lady that had my kids and live with me. Hell of a cook. Sweet woman. Names escape me. Visor pressing on my temporal lobes.

Mack Brown would have mentioned the nutritionist's full name, maiden name, names of family members, hometown, had a bill of sale of her first automobile, and sent her flowers on Valentine's Day.

Then again, I'm not sure why I'm mocking Missouri's S&C when our guy found out five years ago via Oprah that fried foods aren't healthy.

So I think we look back to evaluate, and then you look forward.

I think that's also what you're supposed to do when crossing the street in England.

Look back. Look forward. Slide to the right. Now jump back. Slide to the left. Criss cross. Criss cross.

The question that needed to be asked:

Coach Pinkel, when a program flaunts around like an attention-seeking floozy only to be stood up at the altar and publically humiliated by the college football power brokers as it's revealed that they are pawns in a bigger game meant to secure their historic rivals, would you characterize that more as a public pantsing or a cock punch?

In terms of public humiliation, do you feel more like Elin Woods or Elizabeth Edwards?

What's it like to think you're a nine and find out you're a six and a half?