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Barking Carnival's Texas / UCLA Tailgate

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It's about goddamn time.

Look for this banner near the corner of 18th & San Jacinto in between the Airstream and the double decker bus. The bullhorn starts barking around 11 a.m.

Our friends at Live Oak Brewery have donated some of the finest beer brewed in central Texas for your drinking pleasure and HenryJames swears the Hefeweizen cured his mélange of sexually transmitted diseases. We'll be serving up the sausage, Nickel Rover-style, from the good folks at Smokey Denmark

For all you bros out there, the guys from Brobible.com are stopping by on their national tailgate tour to show you how to be a 23 yr old beer-swilling, chick-slaying bad ass with live instruction on the inflatable Portopong. Can you dethrone The General? Unlikely.

Sailor Ripley donated an extra swimming pool he had lying around but unfortunately Scipio Tex will not be available to model his burnt orange speedo.

Rumors of a Fake Ken Tremendous 3-act play homage to Bill Little are heating up and srr50 will be providing on-site swing instruction to help bring out your Inner Golf Prick.

Trips Right is cashing in a well earned bender by bringing two dudes from Milwaulkee on a mission to drink the town dry. And in full carnie style, Magnusbleuveigner will be pulling tractors with his bare teeth down San Jacinto while performing sexual acts with a UCLA co-ed.

Can't miss action, imo.

But wait, there's more!

To ensure the healthy and safety of our tailbarkers, we have arranged the pimpest ride in town to transport you to and from the tailgate.

Yes, folks, that is a fresh-off-the-Euro fleet 2011 Buick Regal. And no we didn't borrow Brickhorn's. The only way to get a ride is to send a tweet to @drivebuickatx with your location and more importantly -- a request to be picked up in a goddamn 2011 Buick Regal -- and a Tiger Woods impersonator will swiftly transport you to tailgating heaven from anywhere within a few miles of the stadium. I recommend parking in HenryJames driveway.

Thanks also goes out to Bryan Lym of Lym Architecture for letting us crash his primo tailgating spot that goes back 7 generations. Yes, they drank whisky and sang Lymericks on the back of their horse-drawn wagons before football even existed. If you can't make it out for the UCLA game, we'll be here for the rest of the regular season. We might even swing by home from time to time and bathe.

By the end of the day we expect you to surpass the class of an Eagles fan and leave a lasting impression.

I'm betting on closetojumping.

A film crew from Austin's own Lucky Rabbit Film's will be on hand to document the action, which means an acceptance speech in Cannes can't be far away.