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Tuesday Practice Report

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[Sound of an entire equipment rack being hurled against a tile floor]

Mack: EVERYONE IN THIS SHOWER! ANYBODY AIN’T IN THIS SHOWER IN TEN SECONDS IS GONNA RUN A HUNDRED LADDERS! MAJOR!

Major: One Mississippi… Two Mississippi …Three Mississippi… Four Mississippi…

Mack: GET IN HERE! HURRY IT UP!

Major: Five Mississippi… Six Mississippi… Seven Mississippi… Eight Mississippi… Nine Mississippi… TEN MISSISSIPPI!

Mack: You guys {sighs}… Ya lollygag your way down the field on punt returns. Ya lollygag your way over to block the backside end. Ya lollygag your way back [hops around waving silly arms] to the line of scrimmage. You know what that makes you? Major?

Major: Lollygaggers!

Mack: Lollygaggers.

Mack: What’s our record Major?

Major: Four and three.

Mack: Four and Three. How did we ever win four?

Major: It’s a miracle!

Mack: It’s a miracle.

Mack: This… is a simple game. You pass the ball. You run the ball. You tackle the man with the ball. You got it!

Mack: Now we have got a five game home stretch starting Saturday.

Mack: Practice starts at 3 pm.