The Texas Pregamer: Rice

We’d like to publish an amendment to last week's Pregamer. Apparently the Texas Longhorns didn’t play Notre Dame. You should have seen our faces - we kept flipping the channels but never managed to find any team that resembled the Longhorns on any network. We’re just going to assume that NBC bumped the game to be played later in the season. Silly TV contracts… Right???? Right????

Sigh.

So that happened. Even at the Pregamer where we were not necessarily optimistic of our chances against the Domer All-returning team, this was a sad game to watch. It felt over midway through the second quarter - which is coincidentally when the power blew out on the block in West Campus where we were posted up, shutting off the TV. It was the first applause we heard all night.

There are a lot of teams in college football with offenses, and we have finally hit #1. The fact that is was for ineptness is focusing on the wrong details. We are Texas - and if we fail, we do it better than everyone else. It’s what we do.

But alas, it would not last.

Earlier this week, Strong made a change - demoting Watson from playcalling duties. I for one am excited to see what kinds of plays Wickline has up his sleeve. OSU spread/run game baby!

What? It's not him?

Hold your injunctions fancypants Stillwater lawyers. It is perfectly reasonable that our very senior offensive coordinator would not be the one to call plays, or the backup to call plays. There’s no tomfoolery going on. Besides, we need that money friend, or Patterson is going to start charging the band to go to games…

So - who’s the new guy behind the play calling? Why, it’s everyone’s favorite ex-Sooner WR coach Jay Norvell!

Does that look like the kind of man who runs the last place offense in the FBS? Nossir. That mustache has got to be worth at least 4 points easy. If not, maybe he can just shoot a few guys before tragically sacrificing himself to save the love interest before the credits.

The change, and our nifty graphic, couldn’t have come a day too soon either, because #hootforce is heading into DKR. That’s right. The Rice Owls are back, with the closest point spread in recent memory. It's weird to think of Rice as a "must win" game. But it probably is. If Rice sneaks out of Austin with a win things are gonna get real bad. And we're running out of goats to scape.

Better Know a Roster

• Zach Abercrumbia (DT, FR): Yep, he's from Dallas.
• VJ Banks (CB, SO): This was 50/50 either a video jockey joke or an allusion to Fijian golfer Vijay Singh. Then I saw Fijian has three dotted letters in a row and it distracted me. iiiiiiiii
• JT Blasingame (CB, RS JR): Still coming down from the 20th of April.
• Dan Carpenter (LB, FR): No. Wrong. This guy's a kicker I know it.
• Joshua Cummings (CB, FR): It's what our offense makes you unable to do... yep, can't even josh around the offense is so bad.
• Nahshon Ellerbe (RB, FR) and Emmanuel Ellerbee (LB, SO): To Ellerbe or not to Ellerbee. How many e's is the question.
• Driphus Jackson (QB, RS SR): Literally the only person named Driphus. We checked.
• Andrew Reue (OL, RS SR): All his close friends call him RooRoo. Roo. RooRooRoo. RooRooRooHelpICan'tStopRooRooRoo.
• Tyler Stehling (QB, RS JR): Sean Connery talking fine silver.
• VJ, JT, TJ, JT, DJ, JT, JD, JP - This is literally 8 different players on the roster. Rice football, brought to you by the letter J.

Presidential Watch: Week 2 (8 of 44)

1. Josh Adams (RB, FR) - Notre Dame
2. Jay Hayes (DL, SO) - Notre Dame
3. Sam Bush (OL, SO) - Notre Dame
4. Elijah Taylor (DL, FR) - Notre Dame
5. Ty Carter (CB, RS SO) - Rice
6. Driphus Jackson (QB, RS SR) - Rice
7. Cameron Johnson (WR, FR) - Rice
8. Sam Pierce (OL, RS FR) - Rice

Adidas is back again with some sick new thread ideas for this week's opponent.

Full disclosure, the Bingo board somehow didn't sync through dropbox and is floating in the same ether that our offensive playbook seems to be hanging out. But on a bright side, we don't get paid north of 400k to build it. I'm hoping to be able to recover it off of the backup tomorrow. In the meantime:

*EDIT* = The Bigo that was lost has been found. Let this be a good omen against the coming darkness of men.

Predictions:

Tejas Chaos: Texas offense last week = 1/10. With rice = 10/10. Would eat again. Novell and the O do enough to cover the spread and win one for a change.

VY Pump Fake: Texas gets drubbed opening day. Colbert talks serious discourse with engineers and politicians. Donald Trump is leading Presidential primary polls. This is the darkest timeline.

Kyle Carpenter reports Dubai is everything the Browns said it would be. Is looking forward to seeing a touchdown this week. #UAEvenKnowIt

Parting Shot:

This actually happened while sourcing images this week.

So that's where Manny has been hiding!