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Is Mack Brown gonna have to choke a bitch?

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 height=A lot of my fellow Longhorn fans are up in arms about the recent string of arrests of both current and former football players. They know the program is going to take some hits from the media and fans of other programs, and they're openly wondering just what Mack Brown is going to do to get control of the team.

I'm not one of these people.

My model program will always be the Miami Hurricanes under Jimmie Johnson and Dennis Erickson. Those guys kicked ass both on and off the field. If they somehow ended up with a sociology degree on the way to the national championship or an NFL paycheck, that's just gravy. Book learnin' is for sellouts anyway.

It hasn't always been easy supporting the Texas program under Brown. Our teams never really won anything important until Vince Young, and the players were too nice. It got so bad that our mostly white fanbase wasn't even afraid of our black players. That's not the natural order of things. White people should always be afraid of black people, young black males in particular. Some of our players got corn rows and afros, but it just wasn't working. They might as well as have been speaking with English accents.

Now granted some of our players have been trying to change that image. We've had a couple of players raise pit bulls, and quite a few have been arrested for marijuana possession. There are even unconfirmed reports of a Scarface poster and stripper pole being in the players' lounge in Neuhaus. Having watched muptiple episodes of MTV Cribs, I consider this a great start.

With the recent arrest of two of our players for armed robbery, I feel we've finally broken the door down (figuratively speaking). This is some serious shit, and it's exactly the kind of life experience that will prepare these guys for the high pressure situation that is the BCS Championship game. Or Huntsville State Prison.

So I think the rest of the fans just need to sit back, deadbolt their front doors and wait for the national championships to come rolling in.