clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Pick of the Week, Maybe the Year

New, 2 comments

 height=

It’s one of those really obscure games that most people don’t even know will take place.

Nebraska vs USC-10

The Trojans will be equal in points to the number of scabs on Courtney Love’s shins.

While Trips takes his vast knowledge to an undefined and yet to be seen level of mediocrity, or pure genius, I wanted to bless you all with this gem of a play that will that will make you worthy of a tuxedo tail and a top hat. This game will be as lopsided as a Brock Edwards fistfight.

I’m so confident with this pick that I’d bet everything that belongs to Bragg and Doperbo.

 height=The only idea superior to betting everything you can muster on this game was when Ted Danson decided to show up in blackface. This is a guaranteed can’t miss that will make Sam Rothstein weep in the corner.

The only play sexier than this was when Texas was favored by 10 over UCLA while starting Richard Walton, which I passed up because of silly shit like emotions and hope.

If this bet falls through, which it can’t, then Bragg will reimburse all of your losses. I’m so sure about the outcome of this game that I haven’t even bothered to confirm that with Bragg.

Take USC minus the points. PlayersOnly has this line set at Nebraska +10.

If it doesn’t work out, buy the scratch off ticket that has John Wayne’s picture on it. I don’t buy those things, but it seems that you can’t go wrong with that particular ticket. Pick a busy convenience store and make sure that there are many people in line behind you while you take your time to buy the ticket. The customers behind you will appreciate this, as it builds up the tension of your self-taxing gamble. When you pick the Duke ticket you’ll hear nervous feet shuffle behind you; they will instantly know that you’re a hardened cowboy who is not afraid of a tangle. Once you get the ticket, go ahead and scratch it off right at the counter while others wait. Once again, the people behind will appreciate this since they will be seething with anticipation to find out the result of your reckless endeavor. Take your winnings and buy other tickets while people watch you. At this point your audience will be elated with the grand show. Rinse and repeat.