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Breakdown: Texas vs. UCF

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A terrible win against a mediocre team.

Play of the game - Who gives a crap.

Player of the Game - UCF's running back.

Least Valuable Contribution: Group award, awarded to the Linebackers. Congrats, men!

UNIT GRADES

Quarterbacks - Amazing. This is the Colt we all expected to see. 13/14, about 100 yards. He is in absolute control of this game . . . well, OK, but you couldn't expect him to keep the pace, because it's . . . OK, fuck. You are allowed throw standing still, you know. Two owls for you.

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Running Backs - Fine. He fumbled a lot. Charles is a really special player when he gets a crease. Too bad we don't see much of that because or run game is so easy to disrupt.

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Receivers - Nate Jones and Quan Cosby played really well, again. Sweed was out hurt, so I thought Pittman would step up finally, but, again, nothing. I say we bench him.

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Offensive Line - Sucked in the run game, although who knows how much fault falls on them. Oh wait, I know, it's almost none. Pass protection was fine, Colt made them look worse than they were because he held onto the ball too long.

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Defensive Line - How can you tell? Even when they do their jobs the LBs mess everything up. Pass lush was velly velly good.

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Linebackers - Worst. Game. Evar. 11 total tackles, 15 total Mack Claps. My friends were playing the Mack Clap drinking game. One is in the ER right now thanks to Robert Killibrew.
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Secondary - Marcus Griffin took bad angles, Eric Foreman Jackson was invisible to a Pittmanesque degree, Brandon Foster let guys get wide open on long yardage situations. All in all, your average week from the secondary. Only thing saving them from Bob Stoops' smiling dome was Palmer's excellent pass breakups and Foster's INT.

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Coaching - Well, I thought we found an offensive identity. Throw short to complement the run game and go for home runs when the defense gives them to us. But I guess the plan was just to throw short this week because we never adjusted when UCF starting jumping the short stuff. We threw a few deep balls but were both incomplete. We should've not shied away from that. On defense, who the hell knows how well we schemed. But F for teaching the LBs, and F for keeping Muck and Norton on the bench for those clowns. Behold, the rare DOUBLE STOOPS!

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AWARDS

The Casey Hampton Award for Defensive Excellence - Sam Acho, because I like him.
The Eric Hall Award for Offensive Defense - Most of them.

The Vince Young Award for Offensive Excellence - Quan Cosby.

The Matt Anderson Award for Offensive Offense - Colt.

The Colt McCoy Award for Best Current QB on Team - An armband Vince Young left here when he graduated.

The Selvin Young Award for Upperclassman Favoritism - Killibrew.

At Least We're Not Notre Dame Award: Us!

The Tim McCarver Idiot Rambler Award - I watched this game in a loud bar, so this award goes to the Screamin' Mexican guy that was behind us:

"AWWW THAT WAS A CATCH!"

It clearly wasn't, hombre. Clearly. Shut up and drink your beer.