Stayin' Alive. Stayin' Alive.
Ah Ha Ha Ha Stayin' Alive.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone from the Barking Carnival staff, except of course HenryJames, who is Zoroastrian. He drives a Mazda.
It's also a short installment this week I'm afraid, I have loads of gifts freshly arrived from Malaysia to assemble this evening and it looks like quite an adventure. Judging by most of the instructions you only need one page of crude drawings to assemble thousands of intricate moving parts. The Da Vinci Code for children's bike assembly. There's a scale working model of the solar system in the pile somewhere that I'm not even going to open, I'm just going to blow up the picture and staple it to the ceiling. They won't notice. In fact, next year everyone is getting an iPod, even the three year old. I know you said you wanted a bike, but this is even better. Look! Flashy Colors! Now go watch WonderPets! on your iPod. Good girl. No I don't know where the batteries are.
Since that tragic loss to San Diego we've beaten the Chiefs and the Jets, I didn't get to see the Chiefs game but the stats/highlights look like we played pretty well, and the offense seemed to be clicking. That was not the case yesterday though, one good drive for a TD and a 46 yard field goal from Bironas was all we could put together, and thank God we were playing the Jets otherwise we'd be completely out of the mix. I'm not going to say the Jets are a soft team, but I have a feeling the Jets from West Side Story could probably kick their ass. The toughest guy on the team has long flowing blonde hair. You figure that one out.
The offense reverted to streaky mode, Vince would have a nice throw then fumble, Roydell would drop an easy one then hang onto the ball after getting hammered in traffic. Some stupid penalties. You know the drill. In coachspeak you'd say we need to improve our consistency, which is basically code for stop f'ing up so much. In the end we stayed alive the same way we have all season: run the ball just well enough to get by, kick long ass field goals, and plant the opposing quarterback like a Ficus tree half a dozen times a game. The three Pro-Bowlers; Bironas, Haynesworth and VanDen Bosch, completely deserve it, and when I look back on this season kicking field goals 8 times a game and the dominance of the right side of the Dline is what I'm going to remember. It's certainly how we got this far.
There was one other thing that stood out to me from yesterday's game, but you should probably sit down before reading it.
Reynaldo Hill played a good game.
Yeah, I know. I can't explain it either. He gives too much cushion and breaks on the ball like Stephen Hawking but he put enough plays together yesterday, including the pick, to keep us in it, though Bulluck's pick was the play of the game. Of course having Odom and VanDen Bosch in Pennington's face all game helped back there, and it's obvious why the presence of Haynesworth can start such a domino effect that trickles down to guys like Reynaldo having a good game. A rising tide raises all boats. In fact the only long one they burned us with was against Cortland, and it was just a perfectly placed throw and catch. Almost impossible to defend in man without interference.
So now it's down to one more regular season game against the Colts. Guaranteed playoff berth at stake. On the road. For all the marbles. Awesome. In fact I'm going to go ahead and break with Fisher's personal request earlier this week and guarantee victory. That's right, I said it. The Titans will win. The entire Colts team is comprised of pansies and cross-dressers and they will fall. There is no way they risk Peyton against our rush. We got to him last time and we'll do it again. I have it all worked out.
1. Defensive Strategy
1. What is the deal with Dick Enberg and Randy Cross? They have worse chemistry than Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines in Running Scared. It seemed one called the other old and fat and it wasn't really a joke. Just weird. The fact that both of them think Cortland Finnegan's name is awesome is a minor redeeming quality.
2. By far the strangest experience this week was actually caring if the Cleveland Browns won a football game or not- because that has never happened before and hopefully will never happen again. It's like waking up one morning with a desire to watch curling. The choke-job Cincinnati tried to pull off didn't help. You play lights out against us then almost lay down against Cleveland? I hate you, Carson Palmer. Why do you toy with my emotions?
3. If we make it to the playoffs I plan on asking my Texan officemate how they did they year they made it to the playoffs, then feigning ignorance. If you're particularly cruel you can also use winning season. Remember it is Christmas though.
Best wishes everyone.
I like Morrissey