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Delegates to Provide Happy Ending

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Vigorously massage them with all your might.

On the Republican side of the aisle, Governor Mike Huckabee lashed back over the weekend by capitalizing on the ineradicable discontent amongst conservative voters by easily winning in Kansas and Louisiana.

Senator McCain will remain the inevitable nominee. The Huckabee victories are unsurprisingly minimized by the vast amount of extremely conservative blocs in both Kansas and Louisiana.

McCain just won Virginia in a dogfight.

McCain has anchored over 700 of the 1191 delegates needed to secure the nomination.

The race is on, however, on the democratic side, which is proving to be a neck-to-neck competition.

Over the weekend Barrack Obama trounced Hillary Clinton like a three-legged, redheaded, rented step mule, or two white safeties in Scipio’s anguished and nightmare version of a two deep. Obama won over 2/3 of the votes in Washington and Nebraska. Even if you attribute the caucus victories for Obama to his campaign being better equipped for grassroots organization, the profound margins are a dark foreshadowing for Clinton.

As I’m writing this, Obama has once again treated Clinton like a drunken Gerry Cooney in the Virginia primary. He has also taken DC.

Even in spite of the momentum for Obama, Clinton is still doing well with superdelegates, which who are comprised Sailor Ripleyish of DNC members, congressmen and governors. Their votes are not constrained, like regular delegates, to voting for the winner of their state. It will be difficult for them, however, to lean into Clinton in the face of this tidal wave, as the Clintons are now sandbagging their losses by focusing on Ohio and Texas. Hillary is about to say something profound in El Paso. Hopefully desperation doesn’t compel her to ride in on a donkey while wearing a sombrero. Can white women jump?

In the Virgin Islands Obama took over 90% of the votes where the population is over 75% black. The Caribbean territory has 12 delegates, nine that will vote in the convention. Six of those delegates pledged to Obama, and three are uncommitted. I figured the Virgin Islands would only have one delegate, a tiny one -- a little midget delegate.

After tonight, Obama will pass Clinton in delegates.

At this juncture all delegates are being aggressively sought.

Even Guam delegates will get to experience the old-fashioned, smoky backroom polishing. Guam will cast eight delegate votes at the convention. Yeah, that’s right, Guam. They will be sweetened just like regular delegates. Rather than being enticed with opportunities and cabinet positions, the parties could dangle things like shoes and bottled water. "We were going to try and spin your wheels with some live chickens, but we figured we lost our leverage when we saw two of them standing on the conference table when we entered this suite. Anyway, we’d really appreciate your vote because we … um … I think you have a leech on your face."

Getting a dead pinpoint on the count of delegates at this point is like trying to read Texags.

Let us wait on Maryland.

Thoughts and spewed venom will be, as usual, appreciated.