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Bands I'm supposed to like

The other day I listened to My Bloody Valentine's Loveless album. I've never liked them, but I keep giving them a chance. I do this every few years because people tell me how great a band they are, and the English love them so my natural cultural inferiority complex kicks in.

But I just can't do this anymore. They suck. They've always sucked. The common response I've heard is 'You don't get it.' Fuck that. There's nothing to get. Fuzzy distorted guitars, suffocating feedback and studio noise with barely audible lyrics in the background. Music for English hipsters.

They look like they sound.

I feel liberated, like Scipio when he told his dad that he rollerblades.

Today's version of My Bloody Valentine is Radiohead. Pretentious. Sterile. Self-indulgent. Unemotional. Poster child for critic rock.

"Do they give a Heisman for self importance?"

The worst thing about Radiohead is their fans. Most annoying group of people on the planet. Every Radiohead concert is "the best concert I've ever seen!" They chase down every obscure b side, bootleg and remix like it's the holy grail.

"I hate Illinois Radiohead fans."

And worst of all, comparisons to Pink Floyd are thrown around carelessly. "They are the Pink Floyd of my generation!" When I hear this, I want to smack them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say "No! They are the Pink Floyd imitators of your generation."

Then I tell them to get off my lawn.