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Hard Knocks: The Dallas Cowboys

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What can I say? I'm a Cowboys fan.

dallas cowboys trophies
Success.

The opening montage shows Jerry Jones. Get used to it. You're going to be seeing a lot of him. He looks like Joan Rivers.

Former A&M TE Martellus Bennett is one of the featured rookies. Oh, this should be great.

Tony Romo visits a military base. I hope it's an Air Force base. They know what it is to bomb.

Terry Glenn is injured and unceremoniously waived. Jerry Jones actually makes the call to Glenn's agent. He definitely fancies himself a football man. No wonder Jimmy Johnson had to get out of there. He sits in on every coach's meeting. His son Stephen is VP of personnel. There's another football guy. Scott Pioli is shaking in his boots. I've never understood why so many wealthy self-made men countenance such worthless hangers-on kids. "Daddy, make me vice-president of something!"

Stephen Jones has the glad-handing body language and need to back slap that a guy in his position shouldn't project.

It's Pac Man! I mean Mr. Adam Jones. He impresses everyone by fielding six punted balls without putting any of them down. When he throws them down and someone bends down to pick them up, he punches them. You don't pick up the balls til Pac Man say so.

Marion Barber destroys a LB in pass protection drills. Just an obliteration. Jesus, he's strong and aggressive. I love Marion the Barbarian.

Felix Jones looks small and completely out of shape. Maybe he's a doo-doo body guy like Marshall Faulk that can just ball. We'll see.

The crowds love TO. He looks great. He'll dominate until he pulls his hamstring. He's owning Pac Man head-to-head.

Now TO is selling t-shirts to his teammates out of a cardboard box.

The rookies have to sing into a banana phallus to the vets. A Wisconsin white bread does a nice job with a Temptations groove.

The DBs pull down assistant Dave Campo's pants. How far you've fallen, Dave.

Wade Philips talks about his no-hitting policy in practice. Roy Williams expresses his disagreement and lobbies for a no-coverage policy.

I can appreciate the merits of Wade's philosophy for a veteran team, but I wonder if you lose your edge when you combine that with his laid back ways. Bill Walsh pioneered the soft practice idea, but he paired it with a maniacal attention to detail. You stayed healthy and didn't lose intensity in the process.

Martellus Bennett is getting ridden hard by his TE coach John Garrett, who looks like professor of literature at Amherst. Now he is getting ridden hard in his rookie review. Dude may be in trouble if he doesn't mature.

An uneventful Hard Knocks. This season could suck simply because Jerry demands the camera and stage manages everything. The Ravens Hard Knocks was awesome because they were so open and uninhibited.

I can't wait for a rookie to find an eight ball hidden in the recesses of Michael Irvin's locker.