clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Area man has ongoing dispute with reality.

You may have noticed by now that the Fightin' Texas Aggies, led by the scrappiest Fightin' Texas Aggie quarterback since Bucky By God Richardson no less, fell a little short yesterday in their home opener against Arkansas State. As fellow compadres in the Big 12 we at the Carnival have quite a bit of sympathy, nay, even empathy, for our fallen Ag comrades. This is a tough time for us all. I mean we've never lost to Arkie St. or anything, but we sort of know how that must feel. Probably. Maybe there was that time in Jr. High when the slow fat kid with grease stained pockets from sequestered french fries nailed you in dodgeball, or that time you were showing off rail grinds on the cafeteria steps and nailed your junk just in time for a bunch of girls to laugh and step over you while you were writhing around on the ground. Maybe your dad took you snipe hunting one time. Of course you were seven, and these are quasi-adults we're talking about, but we've all been there. We've all played the fool. I really feel now is the time for us to reach out to our Ag friends and help them. They need us right now, and one of them needs us now more than ever. You know who I'm talking about.

Seriously, you would have to be the fan of a GIANT LOSER of a program if you allowed Arkansas State anywhere near you on your home field score-wise. I can't even imagine what kind of enormous state university would have such an overrated P.O.S. program as to let these guys from a backwoods high school play you close. We have new schemes on offense AND defense, but I am not worried in the least, because our walkons could beat these guys.

Everything is going to be okay Brandi, and we're all pulling for you. You just keep on being you, and forget all the naysayers. You're good enough, and smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. Most of those people happen to be longhorn fans, but even so rest assured you've got someone in your corner. You'll pull through this and by midseason you'll be predicting a win over Oklahoma and all this will seem a distant memory, mainly because huffing targets those areas of the brain specifically, but that's beside the point right now. Let's focus on the positive.

You know, when life gets me down, I like to turn to a little something from the Main Ingredient. Oh yeah, you know the tune. Works every time. We just wanted to let you know we're pulling for you man, keep your chin up.