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The Definitive Football Guide For Filling The Cancellation Void

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There is some fine football to be had this weekend, so fret not Carnivalers. Here's your comprehensive game-watching guide to maximal gridiron enjoyment.

I've included all interesting national games and every Big 12 contest (even the dull ones) broken down by time slots:

Friday evening

Fri, Sep 12 KU at USF 7:00 p.m. ESPN2
Kansas Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

A great matchup of Anti-Brands. Quick - without deliberating - would you rather watch Michigan-Notre Dame or South Florida-Kansas? Almost had you. USF/KU is the correct answer, of course. These are two teams completely dominated by QB play lacking a reliable running game. Both paired with quality defenses. I'm pulling for Toto, but wouldn't be surprised to see Grothe will the Bulls to a win. I also want to see sweat cascade off of Mangino in the Florida humidity like the falls at Yosemite.

Saturday

Early morning

California at Maryland 11:00 a.m. ESPN (HD)

Remember when Ralph Friedgen was Mark Mangino? This Maryland team is poor, but this is a very promising Cal squad and they're worth watching. Don't deprive yourself of the chance to glance at the amazing Jahvid Best and the constantly improving Kevin Riley. We may see these guys in the Holiday Bowl. Flip back and forth with...

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State 11:00 a.m. ESPN2 (HD)

Watching Big 10 football makes my eyes bleed, but I want to see how FAU does against an above average Division I program. I'm of the opinion that FAU can move the ball on almost anyone. I want to see if I'm completely out of my mind.

Iowa at Iowa State 11:00 a.m. BTN
Iowa State Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

Cy Sperling is more exciting than CyHawk. This is terrible football, but you need to flip over late to see if Kirk Ferentz is sniped from a silo if he drops another one of these.

Nevada at Missouri 11:30 a.m. PPV
Missouri Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

Missouri will roll them. Included simply because this is a Big 12 matchup and Chase Daniel resembles Gimli.

Washington State at Baylor 11:30 a.m. FSN
Baylor Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

Want to see the Big 12's best all-around athlete? He plays for...Baylor?!?!? Seriously? Ladies and gentleman, meet Robert Griffin.

Afternoon

Georgia at South Carolina 2:30 p.m. CBS (HD)

The Cocks upset UGA last year in Athens and now they get them in the Palmetto State. The problem is that South Carolina's QB play makes children weep and Steve Spurrier is still shocked that the SEC has learned how to play nickel. Dude is 11-13 in SEC games at South Carolina and I still have to read slapdick print media guys ranking him as one of the current top 10 coaches in college football. None of that matters. If Knowshon Moreno is playing, I'm watching.

Michigan at Notre Dame 2:30 p.m. NBC (HD)

This battle of Midwestern suck is good for helmet porn and stirring fight songs. I listed it out of some weird sense of traditional obligation. I'm pulling for Michigan, primarily because I dig seeing QBs who run a 4.95 40 run option and because I have an inexplicable hatred of Jimmy Clausen welling up in me like Russian forces on the Ossetian border.

UCLA at BYU 2:30 p.m. Versus

Little Ricky Neuheisel is all grows up. After seeing BYU against Washington, it's clear that BYU's players are dreaming too much of afterlife celestial domination instead of this world's blocking and tackling. The Cougars need to win convincingly to take the focus from ECU as the BCS at-large darling.

Auburn at Mississippi State 6:00 p.m. ESPN2 (HD)

My viewing interest is centered on Chris Todd's development at QB in their spread offense. If he continues to grow, Auburn is going to win the SEC West. Tuberville is a top notch big game coach. What is forgotten is the small games he regularly loses. This could be one of them.

New Mexico State at Nebraska 6:00 p.m.
Nebraska Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

I'm shocked this game isn't televised nationally.

SMU at Texas Tech 6:00 p.m. FSN
Texas Tech Offensive and Defensive Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

This will be a vicious beating. I won't watch it, but it is a Big 12 game so if you're into rough trade, have at it.

Missouri State at Oklahoma State 6:00 p.m. FCS
Oklahoma State Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series including the birth of the term "golf prick"

See above. Dez Bryant is the most dangerous playmaker in the league outside of Jeremy Maclin. King Of All Golf Pricks Gundy further stakes his claim for the Alamo Bowl.

OU at Washington Husky 6:45 p.m. ESPN
Oklahoma Football Preview from Barking Carnival's State of the Union series

Flip here during the commercials of the USC/Ohio State game. I really like Jake Locker and there's a .0005% chance the Huskies win. I can only pray that it's in controversial fashion so that I can see Oklahoma elected officials threaten to invade the Pacific Northwest again.

Ohio State at USC 7:00 p.m. ABC (HD)

When Stalin takes on Hitler, you've got to hold your nose and throw your lot in with Uncle Joe. Then tell Patton not to stop in Berlin. Ohio State humiliation is ambrosia. Drink it, goddamn you.

Wisconsin at Fresno State 9:30 p.m. ESPN2 (HD)

Is Wiscy a pretender piloted by a Kansas State reject and another full bodied halfback? Or is Fresno State fashionable Top 25 pyrite? Pat Hill will have his team ready and the rabidity of Central Valley fans will topple your laid back California stereotypes. Could be a fun game if the Bulldogs aren't physically overwhelmed and Brandstatter is on.

My must sees?

Kansas/USF
Georgia/South Carolina
USC/Ohio State
Wisconsin/Fresno State

Talk to me.